Tiger gets mauled by mate

[aristotle]

Zoo officials in Florida are scratching their heads over the bizarre Thanksgiving Day incident in which their highly prized African male was assaulted by a previously docile mate. Animal behaviorists from as far away as Kentucky offered commentary and advice to fretful zookeepers who insist the male must be protected at all costs.

A grievous error had been made in mate selection for the alpha male. Zoo administrators had hoped to match the African male with an African tigress of pure pedigree, but the male rebuffed all attempts at such rendezvous offerings. Rumors began to circulate the alpha male might not have natural longings for female companionship. Then came a breakthrough. Wildlife biologists introduced an albino cat from Scandinavia to the alpha male and reproduction commenced immediately. The Scandinavian cat was an exquisite beauty and everyone hoped many offspring would result from this pairing.

Herein lies the error: Scandinavian cats are tempermental and high maintenance. Moreover, they demand exclusive breeding rights with their mate. Now, zoo officials face a terrible quandry. Worried the hostile Scandinavian tigress might yet again attack her "sleeping" African alpha male( producing a Phil Hartman-like nightmare) ... this celebrity couple must be separated.

After all, female albino cats are plentiful and easily replaced. This pairing had fostered greater social acceptance and enhanced self-esteem for the alpha male. Mission accomplished. So, a decision was made to protect the highly prized African male. Let him have a harem of albino cats as his playthings. The liberal zookeepers felt very good about this decision and about themselves.

 

[RLENT]

Is this an actual real incident ? Do you have a link to a story ?

Or is this just a covert attempt to pass off some blatantly racist parable ?

 

[letzrockexpress]

This thread encompasses at least 4 on the list. Compulsion, Habit, Desire, and Reason. ( or the total lack of it.)

 

[aristotle]

Is this an actual real incident ? Do you have a link to a story ?

Or is this just a covert attempt to pass off some blatantly racist parable ?

I don't do links. It's satire.

 

[layoutshooter]

How about just a clever play on words? NOT everything is racist. Since EVERYONE is part of one or more races ANY form of describing a person could be considered racism. OR just a description. I'll tell you what, that old "Racism Card" must be getting worn pretty dog gone thin by now. It is pulled for just about everything you can think of.

 

[Pilgrim]

Zoo officials in Florida are scratching their heads over the bizarre Thanksgiving Day incident in which their highly prized African male was assaulted by a previously docile mate....

Anyone who finds racism in this little essay would also likely find it in vanilla ice cream or dark Hershey chocolate bars. That card is the one that's played when your hand is otherwise empty.

 

[aristotle]

Pilgrim... my satirical essays are intended to poke a finger in the eye of political correctness. Also, to provoke thought beyond what is seen at the surface. If it pushes emotional buttons... so be it. Those who dwell in the lower-left quadrant of the Bell Curve aren't going to get it.

 

[Turtle]

You missed out on the fact that the highly prized African male is actually half (or very close to it) Asian. Asian cats, when enraged or attacked, have been known to run wildly without regard to direction, and have even been known to knock themselves out by running into trees.

 

[aristotle]

You missed out on the fact that the highly prized African male is actually half (or very close to it) Asian. Asian cats, when enraged or attacked, have been known to run wildly without regard to direction, and have even been known to knock themselves out by running into trees.

Yeah, half Asian. But that doesn't comport with the central theme of my attempts at satire. I toss facts aside when storytelling. Embellishment and/or omission are crucial to good fiction. *L*

 

[Turtle]

The funny thing is, if they spin it right, when it all comes out Tiger may end up being the hero in all this. They get into a fight because he cheated on her, she's hammering him with a 5 iron, and rather than hit her back, he leaves the house in a fit of blind rage, causing him to lose control and smash into a tree. Still in a rage herself and still holding the 5 iron, she follows and smashes the first part of the car she comes to, the rear window, which causes the driver side door to open just about the time neighbors come out to see what's going on.

 

[layoutshooter]

I won't EVEN begin to say just how STUPID this makes ALL of those people look like.

 

[aristotle]

You know, I threw in the Phil Hartman reference as an afterthought. He was killed by a jealous wife while sleeping, I think. Then, there was the murder of a sleeping NFL player this past Spring in Nashville... again, by a jealous girlfriend. Very similar incidents. There are obvious lessons to be learned in these tragedies.

We could just as easily be reading Tiger Woods' obituary today.

 

[layoutshooter]

Let's see, if this is all true. He can't keep it in his pants. She is unable to control herself either. Neither are acting like mature, moral, responsible adults. Not worth a flip then are they?

 

[Turtle]

Let's see, if this is all true. He can't keep it in his pants. She is unable to control herself either. Neither are acting like mature, moral, responsible adults. Not worth a flip then are they?

They're just people, imperfect, same as the rest of us.

 

[aristotle]

They're just people, imperfect, same as the rest of us.

Indeed. We place celebrities on a pedestal, then are shocked to discover they are subject to the same foibles as we all are. Moreover, young celebrities for the most part, I suspect, aren't remotely aware of their own mortality. Many live in a surreal bubble of overindulgence that flirts with disaster on a daily basis.

 

[RLENT]

You know, I threw in the Phil Hartman reference as an afterthought. He was killed by a jealous wife while sleeping, I think.

Actually, his wife was coked up when she shot him, and had recently been taking the antidepressant drug Zoloft - it doesn't appear that jealousy really played a part in it - unless it would be professional jealousy (his professional success, her lack of it)

The fact that he'd apparently threatened to leave her if she reverted back to drug use appears to have precipitated the event.

 

[RLENT]

More Deep Thoughts from Jack Handy .......

How about just a clever play on words? NOT everything is racist.

Yup - that's true, not everything is ..... but implicit in your statement is that if not everything is, then certainly some things are .....

Since EVERYONE is part of one or more races ANY form of describing a person could be considered racism. OR just a description.

Not really (racism) .....

I'll tell you what, that old "Racism Card" must be getting worn pretty dog gone thin by now. It is pulled for just about everything you can think of.

I'm sure that it is - including many things for which it shouldn't be (which only degrades and cheapens it's use when it's used accurately and appropriately) ..... but not by me.

 

[layoutshooter]

They're just people, imperfect, same as the rest of us.

Maybe so, but they IF this is true they, in combination, were acting in an immoral, irresponsible, out of control way. Being imperfect does NOT excuse acting like "Pigs" in the Bill Clinton definition. Self control is just NOT that hard.

 

[layoutshooter]

By the way, what part of that first piece did you find to be racist? Did you find it to be so? If so, why? I don't see it, but then again, I skipped all that sensitivity training stuff!! So, since I never learning all that silly PC junk, I still go through life calling a horse a cow if I want to. I just call the balls the balls and the strikes the strikes. Much better than all that silly PC touchy feely stuff.

 

[aristotle]

By the way, what part of that first piece did you find to be racist? Did you find it to be so? If so, why? I don't see it, but then again, I skipped all that sensitivity training stuff!! So, since I never learning all that silly PC junk, I still go through life calling a horse a cow if I want to. I just call the balls the balls and the strikes the strikes. Much better than all that silly PC touchy feely stuff.

Here, Layout... take this ladle and stir the melting pot.