Driver Lifestyles
The Challenge: Juggling Family Life & Career
How do you juggle a career as a professional driver with responsibilities for a spouse and family that are often hundreds, or even thousands of miles away?
This is an issue that has bedeviled the over-the-road trucker for decades - the separation of family for weeks and even months that the trucker is absent from his loved ones. To address this problem, which is also a contributing factor in the general trucking driver shortage, trucking companies have begun to experiment with a variety of programs and initiatives.
Some carriers are trying to find more regional and regular-route opportunities for drivers. Other carriers now have divisions providing dedicated or intermodal service, giving drivers an opportunity to be home at least several nights a week.
Schneider National is one example of a carrier that is offering alternatives to the long-haul, irregular-route routine, such as dedicated and intermodal.
"That's fine for those truckers," says one expediting veteran, "but that won't work in the expedited freight business. We never know when we're going or where we're going until just before the load. And it's almost guaranteed that if you have plans with the family for a big event, that's when a great run comes up and you've got to go!"
"Since most expediters can't plan on getting home once a month, let alone one or two times a week, what can we do to maintain a happy household?"
The bright side of the never-home-expediters scenario is that many of the owner-operators and drivers in this business are empty-nesters whose families are grown and out of the house.
And, the husband/wife teams have eliminated the separation factor, just look across the cab and there he/she sits.
But, for those expediters who still have loved ones back home, the long stretches away from the family can be devastating, for the driver of course, but particularly for the ones left behind.
The marital bonds
The fuel that keeps the home fires burning is the commitment of one partner to the other. Commitment in this sense means the willingness to hang in there and work things out, in spite of weaknesses, disappointments and failures.
One author described commitment in marriage as two imperfect people who are so caught up in a dream that they work throughout the years, in spite of hardships, to make the dream come true.
Those are some fine-sounding words and lofty ideals you say, but this is the real world of a professional driver and his family.
A professional driver's spouse or significant other has to handle a mixed bag of problems and worries the average spouse rarely has to confront all at once.
A spouse is often the bedrock of a driver's career - someone he can rely on; someone who will encourage him, help with business decisions and paperwork, and most importantly, lighten his mental and emotional load.
Over a 27-year truck driving career, Bill W. has driven OTR in tractor-trailers and tour buses before he found expedite.
Bill credits his better half, Barbara (now his co-driver) with keeping the family and home together.
"You name it, she did it," he says. "She paid all the bills and balanced the checkbook (something I had trouble doing), took care of the house, took care of the car problems and for a number of years, she had a full-time job herself.†I guess the most important job she had was raising our kids.
We have two daughters, grown now, and she had to do the single-parent thing all those years I was running over-the-road.
I would only be home a couple of days every two weeks or so, and the child-rearing fell to her. She did a fantastic job, and I'll always be grateful for her understanding and patience."
For her part, Barbara says that on occasion her role as the head of the household could be trying. She explains, "There were a few times, when he was gone, when I would wish I'd never heard of truck driving and that he had a normal job like other men! But Bill loved driving and he made a good living, so I just told myself that if he could put up with the loneliness and the troubles of the road, I could take care of things at home."
Both Bill and Barbara say that trust is an important part of their relationship and that their faith helped them through the difficult times.
Says Barbara, "I never worried about things like that when he was on the road, I guess, because I was so busy with the household chores and so, I just didn't give it much thought."
"She's my best friend," Bill tells us, "and if you can't trust your mate when you're gone, you shouldn't be in this business, or maybe you shouldn't be with that person. It's great to be on the road together and I couldn't ask for a better driving partner!"
Love, trust and gratitude
In an Overdrive magazine article, author Jane Connors quotes a trucker's wife: “I think love and trust are the most important things, but being married to an OTR driver you also need to have more patience and understanding. They might not get home on time, like they promised, even though they meant to.â€
The author goes on to say: "Gratitude goes hand in hand with trust. Individuals who feel “put upon†by their significant other often have trouble seeing marriage as a joint effort. In trucking marriages, gratitude is the fuel that helps each partner cope with the extraordinary demands made by the lifestyle."
The family
One of the greatest challenges for the long-distance father is staying in touch with his children.
Even with email and wireless phones, it's not hard to lose contact with the kids and it takes a special dedication to give the little ones (and not so little ones) a call on a regular basis.
Obviously, the younger the child, the less they understand about why their daddy isn't a visible figure like other daddies. It takes time to educate them on why their daddy drives a truck around the country, but therein lies a great reason for them to take pride in their father's occupation. Their daddy has a special kind of job that lets him go places other daddy's don't go.
And, when the trucking father returns home, children are not always as time-intensive as one might think. One psychologist who specializes in families and relationships says somewhat humorously that a little attention usually goes a long way:
“Greet them, focus on them for a few minutes, and then they’ll go play,†she says.
Ellen Voie is a noted author on trucking relationship matters and has penned advice columns in trucking publications about these very problems. She states that awareness of the potential hazards is the first step towards treating the problem:
"Long distance relationships aren't easy, for the driver or his/her family. When the driver starts taking his loved ones for granted, they will be less supportive and less likely to accept the time apart."
"It doesn't take much effort to remind your family how important they are to you. A note, card, e mail or small gifts sent while away will show your spouse and children that you are thinking about them, even when you are on the road."
"It's not the amount of money you spend, or how often you might get to see them, it's the fact that you are thinking and caring about them. Let them know that you miss them."
She explains that the problems of separation are a two-way street, affecting the driver's career as well:
"If your family isn't adjusting well without you, your job will be that much more difficult if your concern is for them instead of your job. If your spouse and children can learn to not only survive, but to thrive while you are away, then you can be assured that they will not resent your truck and your job."
Related links:
Visit these sites for information and helpful relationship advice from others who know what you're going through:
Loved Ones and Drivers Support (L.O.A.D.S.)