Driver Lifestyles

Protect Yourself

We may live without poetry, music and art;
We may live without conscience, and live without  heart;
We may live without friends; we may live without books;
But civilized man cannot live without cooks.

--Owen Meredith (1831-91), English poet.

The subject of this feature article isn't what you expected, I’m sure.  Short of hiring a cadre of personal bodyguards, there’s not much you can do to protect yourself from violent criminals -- if the bad man wants to get you, brother and sister, we all know that he can. And, as we all know, highway accidents claim thousands of lives each year. Definitely, we all definitely need to be made aware of these dangers.  I’m willing to bet 32 cents and a dance with my Aunt Bertha, however, that tainted food causes far more human suffering.  I mean, we can flee from violence and drunken drivers to a mountaintop in Tibet. But it is a fact that everyone everywhere must eat.

Yearly, eighty million Americans suffer varying degrees of distress - up to and including death - from food poisoning. At anytime from thirty minutes up to two entire weeks after ingesting food tainted by bacteria, victims begin to suffer from headaches, diarrhea, sharp stomach pains, nausea, stuffy sinuses, chills and/or high fever. Oh, nothing to worry about, we may tell a loved one, its just a touch of the ol’ stomach flu, it’ll be gone in a few days. Warning, Will Robinson, warning!  It cannot be a flu virus, pal, because flu viruses cannot survive in the acidity of the gut.  If a malaise is kicking you in the gut, the most likely culprits are toxins produced by bacteria.  Food poisoning, in other words.

Salmonella, Staphylococcus, Escherichia coli 0157 (the infamous E. coli , the murderous little bugger we all know and fear) and a mysterious creature called Campylobacter jejuni are the most dangerous creatures on the planet.  If the victims internal defenses are strong, and the source of infection is tossed out with the morning trash instead of reheated for breakfast, most folks will recover nicely.  But as several fairly recent news events attest, a bout of food poisoning must be taken seriously. If ever you suspect that you suffer from this malady, deliver yourself to the hospital posthaste.

Even in serious cases, a cocktail of strong antibiotics, delivered intravenously, in time and on an extended schedule, may lead to complete recovery.  But isn’t infection avoidance better than any possible cure?

So, now were going to discuss the proper handling of foodstuffs -- some of the how-to's and the why-should-I-bother's of kitchen cleanliness and food storage.  Things most of us were taught in high school; things that we may already know but often overlook. Okay, we’re all professionals here.

Many if not most of our meals are eaten in restaurants amongst strangers, or alone, out of a greasy sack.  Therefore, why should you and I know any of the things I’m about to tell you? Do you own Pepto Bismol stock? Perhaps you know Mr. Tagamet personally?  You may not be the chef of a roadside cafe, driver, so you probably have absolutely no control over what goes on in the kitchens of the restaurants you frequent. But surely you can keep a sharp eye out for, for instance, green eggs and ham and idiots who lick buffet table serving spoons.

The Solutions

Always wash your hands when you visit the bathroom. In fact, several times a day you should visit the bathroom just to wash your hands.  At the very least, follow your mommas advice and wash your hands after using the toilet!  (While we’re on this subject, please don’t urinate on the toilet seats!!!) Inspect all forks, knives and spoons for cleanliness before using. Refuse to eat any food that doesn’t look and smell appetizing. For your information, fresh seafood does not stink; its odor will be mildly fishy.  Depending on how it is cooked, fresh chicken may be greasy, but it definitely is not slick or slimy. Be aware that hot foods must be maintained at a temperature greater than 140* Fahrenheit, and cold foods must be kept cooler than 40* Fahrenheit.  Its unlikely that you carry a food thermometer in your shirt pocket, so use the ole fingertip touch test (you did wash your hands before you sat down, dint you?) Insist that all meats are cooked through and through - always - no exceptions.  Especially be aware that if a burger is pink, it is a potential killer.  Slaughterhouses are not bastions of cleanliness: animal dung teems with microscopic lifeforms, and even a pinch of poop on the surface of a freshly killed cow may wind up, still kicking and screaming, inside your pretty pink hamburger steak.  Protect yourself! 
Red meats are not ready for the table until cooked to an internal temperature of 160*F (the meat will be brown, not red). 
Chicken should be cooked to a temperature of 180*F (its juices will be clear). 
Fish should flake with a fork and it should not have a strong odor. 
Eggs are a primary source of salmonella poisoning, so insist that all egg yellow is cooked till it is pale and firm. 
Either learn to like all red meats, poultry products and seafood well-done, or learn to grow, slaughter and cook your own foods. That dish rag that was just used to wipe your dining room table?  If you had held it to your nose, you might have noticed that it gave off a foul odor.  Don’t lay your silverware on a damp tabletop, which may be a soup of live bacteria. Ask for extra napkins, and wipe your mouth and utensils on one taken from the middle of the stack.
Here’s one last tip, one that I didn’t find in any government brochure:  Carry and use a pocket-sized hand and surface sanitizer.  The next time you need to use a public restroom, you’ll be glad that little bottle of protection resides in your pocket.