In the interest of fairness, here are some "woman-bashing" jokes.
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."
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How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
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Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
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Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
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Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.
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Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
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Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
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Q: What food reduces a woman’s sex drive by at least 90 percent?
A: Wedding cake.
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When a man marries Miss Right, he never realizes that her first name is “Always”.
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In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
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