Have a laugh - Share a Joke

[EnglishLady]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

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[EnglishLady]

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace.

What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

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[nightcreacher]

little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the Operating Room.

The first kid leans over and asks, ' What are you in here for? '
The second kid says, ' I ' m in here to get my tonsils out and I ' m a little nervous. '

The first kid says, ' You ' ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It ' s a breeze. '

The second kid then asks, ' What are you in here for? '
The first kid says, ' A circumcision. '

And the second kid says, ' Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done when I was BORN...Couldn ' t walk for a year
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[Ragman]

little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the Operating Room.

The first kid leans over and asks, ' What are you in here for? '
The second kid says, ' I ' m in here to get my tonsils out and I ' m a little nervous. '

The first kid says, ' You ' ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It ' s a breeze. '

The second kid then asks, ' What are you in here for? '
The first kid says, ' A circumcision. '

And the second kid says, ' Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done when I was BORN...Couldn ' t walk for a year
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Don't give up your day job!

 

[EnglishLady]

Farmers Fred and Luke were fishing on the side of the road.

They made a sign saying "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!," and showed it to each passing car.

One driver that passed didn't appreciate the sign and shouted, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash.

Fred grinned at Luke.


"Do you think we should just put up a sign that says: 'Bridge Out' instead?"

 

[EnglishLady]

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.
So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...???