nightcreacher
Veteran Expediter
cant stop laughing
Have a laugh - Share a Joke
- Thread starter EnglishLady
- Start date
Slo-Ride
Veteran Expediter
THIS MONTH'S SAFETY MEETING !!!!!!!!!!
What causes the most automobile accidents ?
NOT CELL PHONES..NOR THE RADIO..
NOR THE GPS MONITOR.....NOT TALKING...
NOT TEXTING.NOR WATCHING A CAR VIDEO....NOR CHANGING CD's...
THE MOST FREQUENT CAUSE OF TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS ARE:
You guessed it -
inappropriate footwear!
What causes the most automobile accidents ?
NOT CELL PHONES..NOR THE RADIO..
NOR THE GPS MONITOR.....NOT TALKING...
NOT TEXTING.NOR WATCHING A CAR VIDEO....NOR CHANGING CD's...
THE MOST FREQUENT CAUSE OF TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS ARE:
You guessed it -
inappropriate footwear!
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
It was Christmas Eve. The days coming to this night had not been easy for Santa.
First the elves went on strike. As Santa loaded his sleigh, the picketing elves would yell "Scab! Scab!".
Mrs. Claus was no help. She was a little PMS-y and nagging the heck out of the old boy."Why are you loading a truck for Jimmy Johnson?? You KNOW he wants a car. Are you listening to me? A car!!"
He is almost done with the sleigh and puts on his best Santa suit. "At last. I can take off and have some peace and quiet.", he thinks. But as he is hitching up the reindeer, Rudolph bucks and Santa falls down in some reindeer poop. "I told you NOT to wear your best suit when hitching up the reindeer, you idiot!", yells Mrs, Claus. Meanwhile, the striking elves are all laughing at Santa.
With his number 2 suit on, he finally settles into the sled. As he is about to yell "Giddy Up!", the most beautiful angel you've ever seen comes up to the sled, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. Golden hair, rosy cheeks, she asks "Santa, what should I do with this tree?"
***************************
And that, children, is how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree.
First the elves went on strike. As Santa loaded his sleigh, the picketing elves would yell "Scab! Scab!".
Mrs. Claus was no help. She was a little PMS-y and nagging the heck out of the old boy."Why are you loading a truck for Jimmy Johnson?? You KNOW he wants a car. Are you listening to me? A car!!"
He is almost done with the sleigh and puts on his best Santa suit. "At last. I can take off and have some peace and quiet.", he thinks. But as he is hitching up the reindeer, Rudolph bucks and Santa falls down in some reindeer poop. "I told you NOT to wear your best suit when hitching up the reindeer, you idiot!", yells Mrs, Claus. Meanwhile, the striking elves are all laughing at Santa.
With his number 2 suit on, he finally settles into the sled. As he is about to yell "Giddy Up!", the most beautiful angel you've ever seen comes up to the sled, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. Golden hair, rosy cheeks, she asks "Santa, what should I do with this tree?"
***************************
And that, children, is how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree.
Freightdawg
Expert Expediter
A Married Couple Walked Into A Sandal Shop..............................
The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in....Dey make you wild at SEX......Well the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed. But her husband felt he really didn't need them, he being the SEX GOD he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a SEX FREAK?" Jest try dem on , Man. So the husband after some badgering from his wife , finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look on his eyes. The husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down the Jamaicans pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's a$$. The Jamaican began SCREAMING, "You got dem on the wrong feet!" "You got dem on the wrong feet!"
The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in....Dey make you wild at SEX......Well the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed. But her husband felt he really didn't need them, he being the SEX GOD he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a SEX FREAK?" Jest try dem on , Man. So the husband after some badgering from his wife , finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look on his eyes. The husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down the Jamaicans pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's a$$. The Jamaican began SCREAMING, "You got dem on the wrong feet!" "You got dem on the wrong feet!"
bugsysiegel
Expert Expediter
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
What red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
A stick!
What red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint!
Freightdawg
Expert Expediter
The economy is so bad that...
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries!
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the 'Suicide Hotline'. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries!
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the 'Suicide Hotline'. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. . . Please read the following carefully:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Canada and the northern boarder states.
As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I made certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus; sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.
4. You won’t hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen . . ., when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.
5. Ho, ho, ho! has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I herd dat!”
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back off”. The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and It’s a “Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”. This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox”, Cledus T. Judd “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack”, and Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It.
Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus
(member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Canada and the northern boarder states.
As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I made certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus; sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.
4. You won’t hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen . . ., when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.
5. Ho, ho, ho! has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I herd dat!”
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back off”. The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and It’s a “Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”. This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox”, Cledus T. Judd “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack”, and Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It.
Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus
(member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even
One that's deep pan, crisp and even
What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even
I don't get it!
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
I don't get it!
Ooops its meant to mimic the line from the Christmas Carol Good King Wenceslas.
"When the snow lay round about, deep & crisp and even"
Deep pan, crisp & even - sorry must be just an English Carol
How about this one ......
A Sign of the Times
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual,
"And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped:
"Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Last edited:
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
Signs that you have had too much Holiday Cheer
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
A trucker stops for a red light, a Blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, & knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, & she says "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up & knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, & runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, & after she lowers it, he says....
"Hi, my name is Don, it's winter in Wisconsin, & I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!
The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up & knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, & runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, & after she lowers it, he says....
"Hi, my name is Don, it's winter in Wisconsin, & I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
Chilli judging
For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .
Frank: Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.
HEAD AND SHOULDERS
Two blondes were at this bar. A very handsome man with a bad case of dandruff walks in.
The first blonde said "He needs Head & SHoulders."
The other blonde responds, "Uh, how do you give "shoulders"?"
TRUCKER DRIVER IN HEAVEN
A truck driver arrives at the pearly gates. St Peter tells him to wait in the office, as we are waiting on the paperwork to be completed.
The driver looks across the golden street and sees 3 beautiful rigs there. He asks, "Hey, while I wait, can I take the Pete there for a ride?' St. Peter says "No, you can't."
"What about the Volvo? Once again, St Peter says "Sorry, you can't."
"What about the Freightliner?" Again, St. Peter says "No, you can't."
"Why not?" asks the puzzled driver.
"Those trucks can't go anywhere." We have no dispatchers up here."
Two blondes were at this bar. A very handsome man with a bad case of dandruff walks in.
The first blonde said "He needs Head & SHoulders."
The other blonde responds, "Uh, how do you give "shoulders"?"
TRUCKER DRIVER IN HEAVEN
A truck driver arrives at the pearly gates. St Peter tells him to wait in the office, as we are waiting on the paperwork to be completed.
The driver looks across the golden street and sees 3 beautiful rigs there. He asks, "Hey, while I wait, can I take the Pete there for a ride?' St. Peter says "No, you can't."
"What about the Volvo? Once again, St Peter says "Sorry, you can't."
"What about the Freightliner?" Again, St. Peter says "No, you can't."
"Why not?" asks the puzzled driver.
"Those trucks can't go anywhere." We have no dispatchers up here."
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
Top Ten Signs Your New Car is a Lemon
1.Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
2.The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
3.The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
4.The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”
5.The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
6.Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.
7.The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”
8.You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
9.You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
10.When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
1.Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
2.The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
3.The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
4.The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”
5.The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
6.Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.
7.The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”
8.You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
9.You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
10.When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
It's winter in Wisconsin
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Wisconsin
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Wisconsin
Cuz I'm frozen to the ground!
Have a great day..
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Wisconsin
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Wisconsin
Cuz I'm frozen to the ground!
Have a great day..
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center
and rolled down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now, stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
gave me a strange look and said...
"Why don't you just put it in Park?"
and rolled down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now, stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
gave me a strange look and said...
"Why don't you just put it in Park?"
EnglishLady
Veteran Expediter
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.
As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"
As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.
"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The cabbie replies, scratching his head, "Now that, I don't know; it sure wasn't there yesterday!"
As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"
As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.
"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The cabbie replies, scratching his head, "Now that, I don't know; it sure wasn't there yesterday!"