DougTravels is Bored Storytelling Episode II

[inkasnana]

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as Doug manages to turn the big wheel and safely miss the trees. As he gets it turned around and is heading back to where everyone is standing, the engine suddenly runs out of fuel and the big wheel rolls to a stop right in front of the director, who is impatiently tapping his foot on the ground.

"Is everyone done goofing off now or do you need more time?" he asks sarcastically. When no one replies he says "Good. It's time to get down to business. Highway star will be taking over the lead role and his work day is only 6 hours long with a 2 hour lunch and a fluff and primp stuck in there, so cut the crap and lets get this film made! Someone set the scene and lets get things rolling!!"

With that the director shuffled back to his chair, mumbling under his breath about egotistical "big stars" and their weaselly little agents whose only mission was to make his job more difficult and his life miserable. He should have listened to his mother and became an accountant.

 

[mypie]

After a day of fun, Mypie pulls up her computer to see what's going on just before heading off to bed with her hubby.

In her inbox she found that Cheri had emailed the script changes. All she could do was read, and shake her head.

Then she realized the Inky was online. She emailed her:

"Cheri emailed me the script changes. I have to say, I think Doug has ruined his entire career because of his addition to glue sniffing. Real shame, at one time he had a brilliant future - now, his mind has just turned to mush. I think Highway Star will make a good replacement, although, with the schedule his agent negotiated this film will never be finished on time or budget. Still, he deserves the opportunity to show what he can do.

As for us, we are having the time of our lives. Today, we had our 1st port of call in Key West. We went scuba diving off the coast and found a ship wreck. As it turned out it was a Spanish Gallion that had sunk. We couldn't grab all the treasure because there was just way too much. We did get one chest full of the King's jewels. There's lots of Dabloons and this huge emerald cross all encrested in gold filigree, stunning! From there we went to swim with the dolphins and then shopped in town. What a day. We are back at sea now, so I will email you again after our next port of call.

Mypie

PS - I see that Cruzer made an appearance once I left for vacation. I know he a bit standoffish since our first production. Please let him know that he is not out of my reach even if I'm on vacation."​

Then, Mypie crawled into bed wearing a crown encrusted with jewels and smiling.

 

[DougTravels]

The next morning-
El Paso Set-

A quite large, quite brown and quite delicious foot of a bridge set is being constructed. Director yells places everyone, all are ready to go. ACTION! is bellowed by the director. Highway Star says "You Feel Lucky Punk, just try and build your bridge through me!" to the Mexican foreman (played by Tommy Chong, BTW he is Canadian) Tommy replies "Bridges we don't need no steeenking bridges" Thats when Highway says..........

 

[highway star]

..."Let them build their bridge. We've got a really tricked out Big Wheel and a guy that's turned his brain to mush to drive it. I've talked to Travis Pastrana and the crew from the Nitro Circus and they're going to build us a set of ramps. We'll pump Doug up with glue, strap him in the Big Wheel and have him backflip the thing over the bridge and into Canada. When the border patrol in distracted with that, we'll just drive into Canada. Didn't we have to go to Canada for, ahhh, something?"

Cruzer hears about the plan and has some concerns. "We'll need more power. I'll have to..."

 

[cruzer]

down size the sprockets a couple of teeth(cruzer scratches his head thinking:I sure like that speed but highway says he needs power, hmmm,)then he calls out to layout to find an old ten speed bike and strip the sprockets off the pedals that will give us what we need,we will also need the derailer control and one brake control and cable,oh yeah,find an old tire too(layout shortly returns with the parts)cruzer goes to work....cruzer leans over and wispers to layout and layout is off again.cruzer goes back to hammering and banging and welding,then lay out returns with another chainsaw and they mount it along side the other, they use the brake control and cable to phase the two chainsaw carbs together and with the derailer system from the ten speed they will be able to switch from the big sprocket to the little sprocket having power and speed.(cruzer begins to scratch his head again)he calls mypie to the side where she begins to scream,are you crazy,there is no way,no,no,no,but finaly mypie goes over to doug and asks if he would like a foot massage and cruzer sneaks over and takes his boots,he then cuts sections out of the old tires tread and glues them to the bottom of dougs boots,ahh all done now he has brakes,he then turns to highway and asks if it's in the budget to get doug a helmet and protective padding .........

 

[DougTravels]

before he can answer Doug walks up. He looks at the contraption and says "I'm gonna need a lotta glue........

 

[highway star]

..."All you guys want to do is spend money. If his brains are already shot, does he really need a helmet? But, I'm sure they'll be some whiny group of do-gooders that'll complain if he doesn't have one. See what you can find for 10 or 20 bucks at that flea market down the road." Stars phone rings. "Yeah... What do you mean Wolfgang Puck's busy? Well, I need a personal chef! See if you can get that dude that goes 'Bam!' And, I want that remodel on my Airstream done by tomorrow. Don't forget, Corinthian leather!!"

Star sees Doug pacing around the Big Wheel. "I'm not sure about this, Star. I don't even like jumping down off my running boards, and you think I can do a backflip?" "This is no time to get selfish, Doug. Your industry needs you! Remember, there is no 'i' in wimp. MAN UP!!"

Cheri comes out with the latest script changes. "Star, the bean counters are having a cow about all the money being spent on this backflip thing." Doug hears this and gives Cheri a big hug. "Here's what they want to do...

 

[DougTravels]

they are bringing back Mypie and her lingerie to...ughh Doug you can stop hugging me anytime now...... and she will lure the Mexicans.............

 

[mypie]

Just then, Cheri receives an urgent email from Mypie!

"Ain't no way I'm coming back from my cruise for this script! I have a contract too - and I'm not even getting paid for this. All my money goes to charity. Let's see, Chocolate Bridges!?! Hmmmmmm, oh, and let's not forget the souped up Big Wheel!?!



$69 Big Wheel! $40,000 in add ons PRICELESS!

You wonder why you are running out of cash? Tell you what, I'll overnight a couple of Dabloons to you that should keep you going for a bit. Spend it wisely you . . . ."​

Then, Mypie resumes her position in the spa having some really fine hunks give her a message. "Ahhhhhh, this is the life."

 

[cruzer]

Mypie just relax and enjoy your vacation,highway,I wouldn't rush the airstream. I mean come on,a chocolate bridge starting in el paso. I'm pretty sure the moneys not in the budget for candy coating........

 

[DougTravels]

Back at the spa Mypie is really enjoying her massage. She is puzzled by one of the hunks because he looks so strangely familiar. Then while noticing an empty green bean can and a half of a bag of potatoes on the floor, she remembers where she has seen him before. She is a little startled and more than a little excited when she looks up with wanting eyes and says, why Ice Road..............

 

[cruzer]

doesn't that type of diet cause alot of gas,you should realy try some meat and cornbread with those potatoes.......

 

[mypie]

and shouldn't you be back at the movie set? Those guys need as much help as they can get. Here take them this bag of Dabloons, I promised that I would have them overnighted, and, oh since you're here." Then off Ice Road went to deliver his freight, mind you it was a load he couldn't refuse - Non-Stop, DDPS, with Survaliance Tracking, New Orleans > El Paso, paying over $4 a mile.

Later that day, Mypie's ship entered its second port of call, New Orleans. When Mypie and her husband were exiting the cruise ship she was greeted by a Voodoo High Preistest, who pulled her aside. She excitedly in some form of pigeon dialect says, "It is you, you, you are da one. Come wit me. You must come wit me. I will tell you your fortune."

Mypie and her husband looked at each other and said, "Hell, why not?!?" So, they ran off with the Voodoo High Preistest.

. . . Later that evening back on the cruise ship she emailed Inky.

"Today we docked in New Orleans and the strangest thing happened. We were pulled aside by a Voodoo High Preistest who insisted on taking us to tell us our fortune. We entered some sort of camp where all the Voodoo people were dancing, and singing and then she took us into this candle lite old building with this table made out of an old barrel. First, she used a crystal ball and then she removed the crystal ball and threw bones. I think she was looking at the patterns the bones would form as they landed on table. Then she told us some very alarming news, that I dare not repeat. It was so strange, it was as if she knew me. Then after a few hours of this, she sent us on our way. But, not before handing us a bag of various items and saying "here Missy you will need this for your protection as you proceed on your journey."

So, Inky, what do you make of all of this?

Anyway, I read the script changes again. It seems that they are having tremendous difficulty getting moving on their next adventure. First, why don't you have them move the set from El Paso, TX into Juarez, Mexico. What is the point in building a bridge over the entire United States if they have to pass through customs at the border before they can get on the bridge? But, as they're doing that you should warn them to stay away from the drug lords down there. Oh, and how is that chocolate bridge working out in that Hot El Paso sun?

Anyway, we're back at sea again. Our next port of call will be Corpus Christi. We're having a great time. I'll check back soon. See if you can't keep the boys from getting outta control."​

 

[highway star]

Back in El Paso, things are at a standstill. Star and Tommy Chong have moved the airstream to the J to get away from all the arguing. Just after dark, they stumble out the door, set up a couple of lawn chairs and stare at the twinkling lights of Jaurez. After about 15 minutes, Chong takes a deep breath and says, "Wow, man! Uhh, did you hear about Mypie and that voodoo Preistess stuff?" "Yeah.." "Well, I heard what she told Mypie, man!"

After about 5 minutes of silence, Star yells, "Well? What did she say? Geeezzz, try and focus, Tommy!" "Oh, yeah, well, she says the whole bridge thing is bogus. They ain't buildin' no bridge! They're trying to distract us from the true threat. They're keeping us down here, when all the problems are up north. It's the Eskimos, man! The Eskimos are sneaking across the western Canadian border and takin' our jobs!"

Star picks up his phone and relays this news to Cheri and the producers...

 

[mypie]

Just then Ice Road arrives with a package addressed to the Director. "Is the Director here?"

"Nope, he's at lunch."

"Well, I have a package that can only be signed for by the Director."

"Then you'll just have to wait."

"Fine with me, I get paid $55/hr. for detention to just stand here."

"Where's the Director? I don't care if he's in the can. Get him out here to sign for this package - NOW!"

. . . Meanwhile, back on the cruise ship, poolside, Mypie sipping on Miati's and admiring all the good looking muscle men showing off by the side of the pool (married - not dead), when a fat beer bellied trucker in Speedos bends over in front of her and she yells, "put some clothes on, please! Nobody wants to see your hairy back."

That's when the VooDoo sack besides her began to shake and talk. Still not having dared open the sack to view it's contents she raises it and puts it to her ear. It was saying, "Let me out of here. Let me out of here. I must get to DougTravels."

So she opened the sack and out jumped this shrunken head, which began rolling around the deck floor.

 

[mypie]

"I can restore DougTravel's brain, but he will have to live for the remainder of his days looking like this."

Hmmmmm, after thinking for a while, Mypie says, "Done!"

 

[Falligator]

Just then a big light appears and "Falligator" shows up in his Alien Spacecraft and unfreezes dougtravels brain with a brain unfreezer and says..."Hey Dougtravels, don't you remember that we have a story to finish?!". And then.....

 

[wellarmed]

Wellarmed returns looking for highway stars manager.He asked stars manager to seperate tommy and star,I mean they had a J so big they had to move the airstream to it!!!!!MY god man dougs on glue and had his head frozen and now highway is refering to every one as "DUDE", please do something before........

 

[mypie]

Then the dutiful Scriptgirl, Cheri, walks over to the Director and whispers something in his ear.

The Director shouts, "Cut, Cut, Everyone take 5!" Then he turns to Cheri and said, "You say what now? Shrunken Head or Frozen Head?"

"Sir, apparently the actors misread the script, originally the script said "Shrunken Head" the actors read it as "Frozen Head". Do we stop production and re-do the scene leaving Funniest Bloopers to pick up the film or do we go with frozen and keep the cameras running? Which is funnier?"

Pondering the situation a moment, the Director decided that the script should read . . .

 

[highway star]

...Let's go with frozen and shrunken. We can use what we have and have more options for how we abuse and humiliate Doug. Maybe he'll think twice next time he wants to whine about being bored. Funniest videos already has plenty to look at since IRT was brought into the script. We'll have the voodoo chick working in cahoots with the alien. I don't know, does that sound too convoluted? Would we be putting the credibility of the story at risk?

Back at the airstream, 5-0 shows up. Lights flashing, guns drawn. They draw a bead on Tommy and tell him to kneel down and put his hands behind his head. "We got a tip that you were here. I don't know how you escaped custody and got here, but we have a warrant for your arrest." Wellarmed watches from a distance as he's put in the car and taken away. He calls the director and tells him that the 'little problem' has been taken care of.

The director hangs up his phone. "O.K. people.We're gonna get this thing back on track. Lets get the alien, voodoo broad and Doug into makeup. In order to get thawed and re-supersized, Doug will have to agree to...