Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:
"No, not to Stevie Wonder."
"Does this tie make me look stupid?"
"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things
kinda balance out."
"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative
way on the comparison I am about to make."
"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."
"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."
"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea
captains."
"Whoa! A talking couch!!"
Another!
After God had created Man he stepped back and admired his
work: "Look at this perfect physique, the strong but yet handsome
features, the well balanced proportions, I have to say, I am in awe
with myself."
Then he turned and looked at the Woman. After he had been
studying her for a while he said: "Well, I guess you will have to
wear make-up.:7
MORE:
Mornin', my little Janice Joplin,
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
My friends won't send forces, or money to me.
Looked hard under sand dunes; there's nothing to see,
So Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
Oh, Lord, won't you find me some chemicals, please?
France and Australia are laughing back at me.
I wait for intelligence each day until three,
So Lord, won't you find some banned chemicals, please?
Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a fight in Iran?
There's oil in there, Lord; please give me their sand.
Prove that you love me and buy me a plan,
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a fight in Iran?
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
The Dems might just rally and get off their knees.
Elections are coming; there's nothing to see,
So Lord, won't you find me a Dubya MD?
"No, not to Stevie Wonder."
"Does this tie make me look stupid?"
"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things
kinda balance out."
"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative
way on the comparison I am about to make."
"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."
"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."
"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea
captains."
"Whoa! A talking couch!!"
Another!
After God had created Man he stepped back and admired his
work: "Look at this perfect physique, the strong but yet handsome
features, the well balanced proportions, I have to say, I am in awe
with myself."
Then he turned and looked at the Woman. After he had been
studying her for a while he said: "Well, I guess you will have to
wear make-up.:7
MORE:
Mornin', my little Janice Joplin,
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
My friends won't send forces, or money to me.
Looked hard under sand dunes; there's nothing to see,
So Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
Oh, Lord, won't you find me some chemicals, please?
France and Australia are laughing back at me.
I wait for intelligence each day until three,
So Lord, won't you find some banned chemicals, please?
Oh, Lord, won't you buy me a fight in Iran?
There's oil in there, Lord; please give me their sand.
Prove that you love me and buy me a plan,
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a fight in Iran?
Oh, Lord, won't you find me a WMD?
The Dems might just rally and get off their knees.
Elections are coming; there's nothing to see,
So Lord, won't you find me a Dubya MD?
