Apply Now!

Might be moving on!

B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
I have been fighting an inner battle with myself for the past thee years. I keep on getting my hopes up of returning to driving again. I had a 2012 cargo van all picked out. All I had to do was drop the hammer on it and I would have been back in the game. I went for a 30 minute trial run in a rental van and the pain in my bad leg set in and I knew with certainty that I am never going to be able to drive a truck ever again. I don't even know if I will ever be driving much more than a few miles to the store, or to see a doctor. Earlier this morning I was struggling to get up and down a ladder just to change a light bulb. As a few people already know, the carrier that I was working for as a dispatcher has closed its doors. I'm not going to say what carrier it is, but I was getting to the point where even dispatching from home was aggravating my current medical problems.

I am only a shadow of what I used to be before Sep 2011. I have been thinking really hard about this and I might have to let go of EO and all of my ties to the expediting industry. I need to do this in order to stop feeding my pipe dreams about being able to drive again. I'm going stir crazy here. I want to work, yet I wouldn't even be able to hold down a part time job as a burger flipper. My leg is sucking every ounce of energy I have right out of me. I don't want to have to do it, but I might have to file for disability and stop fighting to work. I am either in pain, or I am on so many pain killers that they put me into a mental fog. There is a possible surgery that can be done, but it would cost 100k to do it. There are also no guarantees that it would fix the problem. I have been exercising and trying to rehab my leg with absolutely no improvement. My doctors just tell me to ignore the pain because it is going to be with me for he rest of my life.

I hope each and every one of you think before you do anything. One slip, one fall, one accident on the freeway/side street can change your life forever. Please have a plan in place for if you ever become disabled and can no longer work. It is not a peasant thing to talk/think about, but it can happen to any one of us. I have a very strong attachment to this industry...despite the fact that I an no loner able to participate in it. I wish there was some way I could do something. I want to work, but I have to sit with my legs elevated all day, and there aren't many places that will accommodate this. I want to thank Lawrence and all of the admins for putting up with me all these years. I know I generate a lot of controversy, but that has also sparked a lot of spirited debate about our industry. I really love all of you guys. I loved driving. I just have to let it go for now. Any how, if you guys don't see me around, you will know why.
 
Moot

Moot

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
blizzard said:
I have been thinking really hard about this and I might have to let go of EO and all of my ties to the expediting industry. I need to do this in order to stop feeding my pipe dreams about being able to drive again.
Click to expand...
Dreaming is good. Dreaming shows hope. Where there is hope, there are possibilities. Continue to feed your pipe dreams and don't give up hope!

I have a very strong attachment to this industry...despite the fact that I an no loner able to participate in it. I wish there was some way I could do something.
Click to expand...
You can keep posting, sharing your experiences and helping others. The pay isn't much but then neither is the pay expediting.

I want to work, but I have to sit with my legs elevated all day, and there aren't many places that will accommodate this.
Click to expand...
It's rumored that Lawrence sits with his legs up on his desk all day long. But I guess one needs to own a publishing company to do that.:) I heard he even has a credenza.

Good luck and hang in there. Oh yeah, Ban The Van.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lawrence, davekc, blizzard2014 and 2 others
B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
I was considering a van with hand controls for the brakes and acceleration, but I need a way to deaden the entire leg so that I can sit in the seat for 16 hours. There is no drug that can just deaden the leg without affecting cognitive abilities. Grant you, I can take enough pain meds to knock a regular person out and be 100 percent lucid. I can even operate machinery safely, but I will only take so much medication. It is under 80 Mgs per day. Some pain patients are on up to 500 milligrams a day of long acting pain meds. I can't do that. I tried some long acting meds and they make me really sick after a few days. I want to try Lydcaine patches, but at 500 bucks a month, the insurance company said no. I also have days where even 80 Mgs of pain meds only make sitting on a couch bearable. It is weird because there are days when I have absolutely zero pain off and on for up to 8 hours. Those are the days when I start dreaming big. I hate pain meds. I am not even physically addicted to them. I can go 7 days without them until the pain keeps me awake at night and I break down and take a pill to sleep. I am so bad this week that I might need a cane if I have to walk too far. Maybe I will be back if they ever cut this leg off and I can get a van with a wheelchair ramp on it. lol
 
xmudman

xmudman

Veteran Expediter
Owner/Operator
OntarioVanMan said:
I could suggest a very radical solution...and I am sure it has crossed your mind in the painful times....
Click to expand...

Sounds insane, but therapeutic mastectomy is seen as a legitimate option, so there could be a case made for therapeutic amputation. Might be a challenge finding a surgeon willing to do it, let alone an insurance company willing to pay for it :eek:
 
  • Like
Reactions: blizzard2014 and OntarioVanMan
B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
I have thought about just cutting the thing off. In fact, that does happen if things get really bad. If I get a second DVT, then the darn leg is going to be completely trashed. The pain got better yesterday after I took a really strong painkiller. I still have some left over from when I tried them and they made me sick. I can only take this particular painkiller or I will get sick from it. The irony of it is that this particular painkiller really helps. I am like the real life Dr. House except half of my leg muscle didn't get cut out of my thigh. Artery clots usually do way more damage than venous clots, but all of my deep veins were clotted up and so was the superficial veins. I'm pretty sure some damage from lack of blood flow was done. It's just so messed up that it is the leg you need for the gas and brake pedals. It had to hit me where it counts. Maybe I'll start a blog or do some writing.
 
B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
OntarioVanMan said:
I could suggest a very radical solution...and I am sure it has crossed your mind in the painful times....
Click to expand...

I have thought about taking a chainsaw and cutting the thing off, but even that is no guarantee. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with the painful area any longer and your mind is actually generating the pain because you have been in pain for so long, the nerves are no longer firing, but the brain is still interpreting it as pain. Removing the limb is not a solution for that. Poorly treated acute pain can become permanent pain. The other day I was so angry from the pain I was just waiting for someone to look at me wrong in public and I was going to snap on them.
 
uriykir

uriykir

Active Expediter
They have left foot gas pedal conversion kits, which are inexpensive. If you were able to drive and brake with your left foot. I once removed one from a car when I worked at a used car dealer
 
  • Like
Reactions: greasytshirt
MissKat

MissKat

Expert Expediter
Blizzard, you always had a lot to offer everyone here on EO. I am not over the road anymore either but occasionally I make myself known on here, I am pretty active on Facebook on the WIT group offering advice for newbies, etc. I am sure you have much to offer still, and after following some of my friends from here and how many have either left the business or had to make hard hard business decisions, expediting has changed. With the economy in the shape it is, and how many folks are heeding the call to the open road and barely pay their bills with the rates they have to take I am not sure it is a choice I would make at this time. Believe me, the road calls me, as I know it does you. But I also know I have limitations at this point that I wouldn't be so patient for days on end without a load. Keep your spirits up and if you get back to Oregon let me know! Kat PS. Wouldn't you make a great broker for someone in a remote setting? If you are like me however, sitting for long periods of time isn't favorable.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Turtle
B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
I might be able to do more once I get this medical stuff under control. I just went in for a sleep study and might have sleep apnea and narcolepsy. I am tired all of the time no matter how much I sleep. I was like that as a driver. I used to drink loads of coffee and energy drinks. There are good meds and the CPAP machine to fix the sleepiness though. That might improve the pain. I'm working on getting a doctor to preform vascular surgery on me pro-bono. If they can open up the vein in my leg, my pain might go away completely. I can still make money driving. I have cash saved up, just got some credit cards, and my credit score is now high enough to get another van. I just can't see committing to all of those loans when my body can't physically do the work. I will know more after the surgery and after my sleep issues have been resolved. I know what you mean about the bad rates and jobless people flooding the market. All of those desperate people trying to pay their bills by taking any rate they can get. OVM is right about taking a 1500 mile load for 1000 dollars and making 800 dollars after fuel for two days worth of work. That money seems like a lot of money when you first start out. Then you need new tires and a rotation for 1k, or a new transmission for 3000 and that 800 dollars is nothing! I hope you continue to do well off the road. I know it is nice to set roots down and have some semblance of a normal life.
 
OntarioVanMan

OntarioVanMan

Retired Expediter
Owner/Operator
more proof.....stay away from Dr's.....everyone I know was dead within 3 yrs with all the poking around they want to do....especially now I have medical coverage....LOL
 
B

blizzard2014

Veteran Expediter
Driver
OntarioVanMan said:
more proof.....stay away from Dr's.....everyone I know was dead within 3 yrs with all the poking around they want to do....especially now I have medical coverage....LOL
Click to expand...

I actually benefitted from being poked and prodded by doctors. I had been diabetic for a year or two, maybe more before they found out during a routine blood test. If I would have never gone to the emergency room, I would have continued living with uncontrolled diabetes and ended up with severe complications from not being diagnosed early. I never used to go to the doctor. I hate going now, but my clotting disorder is the worst one you can have, and I also have a genetic clotting disorder on top of the autoimmune one. My fatty liver is now reversing itself as my high liver enzymes and bilirubin have now come down to normal levels. As long as my blood stays super-thin and is monitored well, no future events should happen. But they still can. Catastrophic APS happens in some patients where the immune system goes berserk and you throw clots to all of your major body organs simultaneously. There is only a fifty percent survivability rate with proper treatment. Most ER doctors have never even heard of the condition, so if that happens when I'm on the road, it's ses la vi for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed no matter what I do. But you can't fight genetics.
 
OntarioVanMan

OntarioVanMan

Retired Expediter
Owner/Operator
blizzard said:
I actually benefitted from being poked and prodded by doctors. I had been diabetic for a year or two, maybe more before they found out during a routine blood test. If I would have never gone to the emergency room, I would have continued living with uncontrolled diabetes and ended up with severe complications from not being diagnosed early. I never used to go to the doctor. I hate going now, but my clotting disorder is the worst one you can have, and I also have a genetic clotting disorder on top of the autoimmune one. My fatty liver is now reversing itself as my high liver enzymes and bilirubin have now come down to normal levels. As long as my blood stays super-thin and is monitored well, no future events should happen. But they still can. Catastrophic APS happens in some patients where the immune system goes berserk and you throw clots to all of your major body organs simultaneously. There is only a fifty percent survivability rate with proper treatment. Most ER doctors have never even heard of the condition, so if that happens when I'm on the road, it's ses la vi for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed no matter what I do. But you can't fight genetics.
Click to expand...
As My #1 sons says to me...."Dad it sucks to be you".....what an azz wipe your kids can be....LOL

anyhow thankfully I have good genetics in the family....

I sincerely wish you the best.....Ken aka OVM
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top