There is one rather inexpensive tool that cuts down on the arguments in leaps and bounds. A good GPS unit!! Whew! That was by far either a marriage or business saver!! 
Husband and Wife teams, how do you do it?
- Thread starter Freightdawg
- Start date
Blackbeard
Seasoned Expediter
Another dog in the hunt...My husband and I drove tractor - trailer for 7 yrs before expediting last Nov.
Rule#1: arguments usually happen because of an outside force. Dispatcher was mean, load cancels, friend calls and wears one of you out, human nature and mood swings. When this happens it breeds in the truck. And escalates out of control leaving one angry and the other wondering what happened.
Rule#2: if you can't make up with 8 hours, one of you has to relinquish the argument and get over it. There is much give and take in a small environment.
Rule#3: Every cent earned driving as a team is worked on, sweated over, driven, unloaded and managed by the PAIR. It's a great thing that your household income is earned 50/50. Expense decisions become much easier to make.
Rule#4: Shower often, do laundry often, keep the house clean.
Rule#5: Respect each others privacy.
Rule#6: Treat each other extremely well - without the other you can't get anywhere legally, freightwise, one keeps the books, the other keeps the wrenches, etc. IT IS A TEAM. We had real problems with companies that wanted to separate us to train, test, etc. You are damaging the whole if part of the team is missing.
Rule#7: You really do need diversion from the walk-in closet, no matter how nice it is. We like bookstores for him, the mall or walmart for her. We like to camp in campgrounds sometimes to avoid the filth and noise of truckstops. We treat ourselves about once a week to a favorite restaurant - 50;/50 choice. The truck is set up like our comfort zone at home - only much smaller.
Rule#8: Both of you have to understand there is no more room than there is. And the one thing girls cannot take very well is criticism of how "they keep their house" or "there's just too much stuff". We have a "he side" and a "she side" and a food/supply 75% of the rest. We make it easy for either one of us to cook, clean up after ourselves, find clean drawers, etc.
Rule#9: Your spouse, love partner is still SPECIAL even though you work together, get dirty together, share the bad load offers and the good. Don't forget the special days, birthdays, etc. Don't let well-intentioned friends or family get in the way of your financial goals by guilt-tripping you into why you don't have more time for them.
Rule#10: Don't forget why you two are together in the first place. No matter how fat you get eating in truckstops or how dirty you get working on the equipment, you two are still SPECIAL to each other. I know he has my back at all times. I know that at the end of the day, the end of the disagreement, or at the end of the dollar, we still have each other to count on, feel safe with, and get older somewhat gracefully with.
Best of all, if we hate the job, we can vote to change the circumstance TOGETHER!
Kat
Rule#1: arguments usually happen because of an outside force. Dispatcher was mean, load cancels, friend calls and wears one of you out, human nature and mood swings. When this happens it breeds in the truck. And escalates out of control leaving one angry and the other wondering what happened.
Rule#2: if you can't make up with 8 hours, one of you has to relinquish the argument and get over it. There is much give and take in a small environment.
Rule#3: Every cent earned driving as a team is worked on, sweated over, driven, unloaded and managed by the PAIR. It's a great thing that your household income is earned 50/50. Expense decisions become much easier to make.
Rule#4: Shower often, do laundry often, keep the house clean.
Rule#5: Respect each others privacy.
Rule#6: Treat each other extremely well - without the other you can't get anywhere legally, freightwise, one keeps the books, the other keeps the wrenches, etc. IT IS A TEAM. We had real problems with companies that wanted to separate us to train, test, etc. You are damaging the whole if part of the team is missing.
Rule#7: You really do need diversion from the walk-in closet, no matter how nice it is. We like bookstores for him, the mall or walmart for her. We like to camp in campgrounds sometimes to avoid the filth and noise of truckstops. We treat ourselves about once a week to a favorite restaurant - 50;/50 choice. The truck is set up like our comfort zone at home - only much smaller.
Rule#8: Both of you have to understand there is no more room than there is. And the one thing girls cannot take very well is criticism of how "they keep their house" or "there's just too much stuff". We have a "he side" and a "she side" and a food/supply 75% of the rest. We make it easy for either one of us to cook, clean up after ourselves, find clean drawers, etc.
Rule#9: Your spouse, love partner is still SPECIAL even though you work together, get dirty together, share the bad load offers and the good. Don't forget the special days, birthdays, etc. Don't let well-intentioned friends or family get in the way of your financial goals by guilt-tripping you into why you don't have more time for them.
Rule#10: Don't forget why you two are together in the first place. No matter how fat you get eating in truckstops or how dirty you get working on the equipment, you two are still SPECIAL to each other. I know he has my back at all times. I know that at the end of the day, the end of the disagreement, or at the end of the dollar, we still have each other to count on, feel safe with, and get older somewhat gracefully with.
Best of all, if we hate the job, we can vote to change the circumstance TOGETHER!
Kat
Freightdawg
Expert Expediter
If a person will read other posts, and ask questions, they can really get some great answers on this site! Even though we had a pretty good idea of what expediting is, we've learned so much more here. We will keep reading, asking questions, and learning! We want to be as prepared as possible and not jump in blindly. There was one post where someone wrote that they have bought a Sprinter, now what do I do! We definetely don't want to end up like that!
Thanks everyone so much for expanding our education!
Thanks everyone so much for expanding our education!
This is an excellent thread! Remember, when you start this, that you both will be learning. Expect mistakes, and try not to place "blame". It is close quarters, and slamming the sleeper curtain just doesn't have the same effect
Therein is the largest mistake in the figgur'in process......slamming ANYTHING jes don't work.
guido4475
Not a Member
After going through anger management and marriage counseling classes in the past, trying to save my past marriage,I learned alot about myself and what I was doing wrong.Anything can be changed about anybody.Dont think that because his dad is like that, so is he, if it is a bad trait, it can be changed.
Communicate with each other, no matter how little the problem may be.Do not hold anyhting in, and when youre spouse asks you if anything is wrong, you say no, when in reality you are upset about something.Holding feelings in will be to that of a volcano, eventually there is only so much it can hold in before it errupts.And when you do open up, telling him/her what is wrong, do it with love and control, compassion.Do not yell at each other about it.Yelling gets you nowhere, just like anger. Things are often said out of anger during a yelling spree that cannot be taken back, and the pain will remain.Never go to bed mad, either.What good does sleeping on it do only to wake up the next morning mad?I dont think that is the best way to start the day with each other.Never expect the other to know what you are thinking all the time, either.Let them know.There is a movie out by the name "Fireproof", along with the devotional book, often found at walmart.Get them both.Every couple should watch this movie, and follow the book afterwards, it will change youre marriage forever.
And husbands, remember that she is and always will be a lady, and has to be treated as such.Respect her, and treat her like the queen she is.Flowers and/or a simple card go a lng way.Even just a note for her saying a simple "I love you" placed somewhere for her to find later is nice and appreciatted. I send cards to my girlfreind at her office all the time, to let her know how much I love her.Put youre loving thoughts into a poem, you would surprise yourself at what you can write.If you are the macho prideful type, get rid of it.Nothing pizzes me off more than to see a husband/wife or boyfreind/girlfreind walking to a truckstop from their truck and she is 10 feet behind him, he enters the building without holding the door open for her.Hold her hand, open the truck/car door open for her, and always tell her you love her, no matter where you are.After ordering in the restaurant, go into the store and get a card or a flower and give it to her at the table.Put away the pride that may keep you from doing this.
But most importantly, pray together as well as alone.I cannot tell you the difference it does make, the closer it does bring you together.It does work.And you will feel alot better.
Communicate with each other, no matter how little the problem may be.Do not hold anyhting in, and when youre spouse asks you if anything is wrong, you say no, when in reality you are upset about something.Holding feelings in will be to that of a volcano, eventually there is only so much it can hold in before it errupts.And when you do open up, telling him/her what is wrong, do it with love and control, compassion.Do not yell at each other about it.Yelling gets you nowhere, just like anger. Things are often said out of anger during a yelling spree that cannot be taken back, and the pain will remain.Never go to bed mad, either.What good does sleeping on it do only to wake up the next morning mad?I dont think that is the best way to start the day with each other.Never expect the other to know what you are thinking all the time, either.Let them know.There is a movie out by the name "Fireproof", along with the devotional book, often found at walmart.Get them both.Every couple should watch this movie, and follow the book afterwards, it will change youre marriage forever.
And husbands, remember that she is and always will be a lady, and has to be treated as such.Respect her, and treat her like the queen she is.Flowers and/or a simple card go a lng way.Even just a note for her saying a simple "I love you" placed somewhere for her to find later is nice and appreciatted. I send cards to my girlfreind at her office all the time, to let her know how much I love her.Put youre loving thoughts into a poem, you would surprise yourself at what you can write.If you are the macho prideful type, get rid of it.Nothing pizzes me off more than to see a husband/wife or boyfreind/girlfreind walking to a truckstop from their truck and she is 10 feet behind him, he enters the building without holding the door open for her.Hold her hand, open the truck/car door open for her, and always tell her you love her, no matter where you are.After ordering in the restaurant, go into the store and get a card or a flower and give it to her at the table.Put away the pride that may keep you from doing this.
But most importantly, pray together as well as alone.I cannot tell you the difference it does make, the closer it does bring you together.It does work.And you will feel alot better.
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mypie
Seasoned Expediter
We have approached the subject with what you might call a good sense of humor.
Will you fight and disagree, of course you will, but that is when while you are driving and he tries to say something from the sleeper bunk that just doesn't agree with you, you get creative. You take the next exit and slam the brakes so hard that he winds up sliding and hitting the back of you seat. Then you say, "I'm sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you." That'll shut him up.
Or, when he goes in to shower you move the truck to the other side of the lot making sure to tuck it in real good so it can't be seen. Then you take out the camera and wait to catch the expression on his face when he realizes his truck is missing.
Or, when you go in to take a shower and just for chucks and giggles you use his razor to shave your legs. Then wait for him to take a shower and see how well your plan worked.
Or, you could wait until he's just about asleep and then start shift back and forth between the accelerator and the jake brake, and every once in a while accidentally run the rumble strip.
And, always plan to be the driver when you drive SR 3132 from Shreveport to New Orleans, it's like driving down a staircase!
Of course I'm kidding . . . but, it sure does help that he knows I am capable. We never fight!
Will you fight and disagree, of course you will, but that is when while you are driving and he tries to say something from the sleeper bunk that just doesn't agree with you, you get creative. You take the next exit and slam the brakes so hard that he winds up sliding and hitting the back of you seat. Then you say, "I'm sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you." That'll shut him up.
Or, when he goes in to shower you move the truck to the other side of the lot making sure to tuck it in real good so it can't be seen. Then you take out the camera and wait to catch the expression on his face when he realizes his truck is missing.
Or, when you go in to take a shower and just for chucks and giggles you use his razor to shave your legs. Then wait for him to take a shower and see how well your plan worked.
Or, you could wait until he's just about asleep and then start shift back and forth between the accelerator and the jake brake, and every once in a while accidentally run the rumble strip.
And, always plan to be the driver when you drive SR 3132 from Shreveport to New Orleans, it's like driving down a staircase!
Of course I'm kidding . . . but, it sure does help that he knows I am capable. We never fight!
greg334
Veteran Expediter
I don't understand the issue. I mean if your marriage isn't rock solid, then you will have problems.
I don't get this veto thing, one must lead - this is a business not a democracy - take a vote in the cab, two against one with the dog speaking up about going to NYC? It doesn't work.
Maybe the biggest thing I see is the greed/selfish factor. What I mean is that a lot of marriages are not about the combined effort for something common but what each other gets out of it.
I see this a lot, where one gets something and the other wants something too or I did this for you, now you do this for me - all BS.
But if you are inclined to do this business long term, and have a rocky marriage or relationship that the marriage is based on, it will bring out the worst in both. Even with "me time" and space and all that cr*p, it comes down to human nature and fighting it.
So try it, don't worry about advice, but rather learn how to live with each other in a 300 cubic foot container while not being tourists but professional drivers.
If it doesn't work or you are feeling 'cramped' I would then take up Plan B.
Oh I forgot to mention Plan B - if you are not happy on the road, then find something you both can do while living at home. You won't be living in that 300 cubic foot space at home.
I don't get this veto thing, one must lead - this is a business not a democracy - take a vote in the cab, two against one with the dog speaking up about going to NYC? It doesn't work.
Maybe the biggest thing I see is the greed/selfish factor. What I mean is that a lot of marriages are not about the combined effort for something common but what each other gets out of it.
I see this a lot, where one gets something and the other wants something too or I did this for you, now you do this for me - all BS.
But if you are inclined to do this business long term, and have a rocky marriage or relationship that the marriage is based on, it will bring out the worst in both. Even with "me time" and space and all that cr*p, it comes down to human nature and fighting it.
So try it, don't worry about advice, but rather learn how to live with each other in a 300 cubic foot container while not being tourists but professional drivers.
If it doesn't work or you are feeling 'cramped' I would then take up Plan B.
Oh I forgot to mention Plan B - if you are not happy on the road, then find something you both can do while living at home. You won't be living in that 300 cubic foot space at home.
pelicn
Veteran Expediter
Greg does make a good point...even in a partnership, there is a leader. This time it may be me, the next time it may be my hubby. He's the leader 98% of the time, and that works for us. I think the bottom line is communication. Yes, we all have disagreements, we are humans, not robots. You'll work it out between the two of you.
Col? I didn't slam doors before we became a "truckin team" but I can slam a mean curtain now.
Col? I didn't slam doors before we became a "truckin team" but I can slam a mean curtain now.
my husband and I get along great. true its not always rosie times on the road but we work togetther to get the job done and w ar very proud of th work w do. you just have to hav your mind made up that that is what you want and make it happen. I think it brought us closer together
I've teamed with my wife now for almost 2 years. 1 full one at Swift and almost a year at Panther.
The only way to find out if a husband - wife, or for that matter any other 2 people wanting to team on a truck will make it together is to just try it.
Leader of the team? Depends on who and when you ask.
The only way to find out if a husband - wife, or for that matter any other 2 people wanting to team on a truck will make it together is to just try it.
Leader of the team? Depends on who and when you ask.