Sunday night I got to go to air cargo. But not just any air cargo. Oh, no, no, no! It was Lufthansa air cargo at Chicago's beautiful O'Hare International Airport air cargo.
I hate air cargo. I may have mentioned that in the past.
I get the paperwork e-mailed to me from dispatch, complete with AWB and everything. I go online and track the flight for the 22:30 scheduled pickup. Lo and behold, the plane has already landed, freight has been unloaded, and the freight will be available for pickup at 20:05.
Could it be? No waiting? A smooth pickup at air cargo? In the rain?
Don't be silly.
I go in and amazingly I'm the only one in line. This is looking good. I hold my breath as I hand them a copy of the delivery order.
"OK. Everything looks good, except, we don't have the terminal fee. Without that you can't pick it up. It's $50."
You'd think by now that Panalpinalistine would know about this familiar and obvious terminal fee that airport air cargo terminals impose on incoming cargo, and they'd make sure the terminal fee gets paid in time for the shipment. But... no.
Will they take a Comcheck, dispatch asks?
Newp. CASH or certified check only. Even I know that.
I've got like $7 cash on me, so I go down the road to the ATM and withdraw $60. I go back to Lufthansa air cargo and hand them the $60 for the $50 fee.
They don't have change. Are you kidding me? They require certified check or CASH, but they can't make change for a twenty. Sheesh. Sooo, I back down the road to Walgreens and get change.
I come back and there's one guy ahead of me at the counter. He's picking up like nine thousand pieces, every one of them on a separate AWB and separate set of paperwork, all of which must be signed and dated. Twice. Just shoot me.
Finally, the guy I originally dealt with comes back from his hour lunch break. I give him the $50 and sign the paperwork and go out into the warehouse, ring the bell, and wait. Twenty minutes later I ring the bell again at the suggestion of the security guard who had a short break in his Angry Birds. Half an hour later a forklift expert comes flying around the corner.
"What door are you in?"
"I'm in a cargo van."
"Go to the ramp."
"I'll just carry it. It's a 6 pound box."
"I can't give it to you unless you are backed in a dock or on the ramp."
"Fine. I'll go to the ramp."
"Come back in after you go to the ramp."
"Of course."
I go to the ramp. Come back in, and he comes walking around the corner with a small box and hands it to me, and has me sign for it. I can't leave via the ramp, though. Nope. Gotta leave through the double-doors in front and walk back down to the ramp. It was important that I be at that ramp.
Then I make the arduous 48 mile trek up to the Wisconsin border and deliver the machine parts to Rustoleum so they can get the paint can filler back online. They were thrilled that I delivered it before the scheduled 08:00 Monday morning delivery.
My sphincter puckers every time someone comes on EO and posts about wanting to do air cargo pickup and delivery, almost as much as it puckers every time I see one of those "Chain Up Area Ahead" signs out west.
I hate air cargo. Have I mentioned that?