Gloom, despair, and agony on me...a cautionary tale

[xxiv24]

Forgive me but i need to vent.

During the last couple of months i have been undergoing a seemingly never ending amount of crap on crap...my stress level is through the roof and I think I am beginning to buckle. So i need to vent.
This story starts in June of last year.
I have done questionable things in my life, as i am sure everyone has at one time or another. Descisions that have been made on my part are directly responsible, in part, for my current situation. There is a phrase that says, "no good deed goes unanswered" same is said for a bad deed. However, noone says what the answer will be....here i will give you an example of said answer. I have been accused in this forum as being mr. negativity. Well i don't like surprises and i have earned my paranoia. This prediction of all bad things allows me to have insight and numbs me to anything bad giving me the ability to shrug and walk away....no more.
Back in June of last year i found myself, sorry for the image, expelling solid red in my urine. This i found rather alarming as i had not been kicked in the nads in years, lol. Anyway i went to the local er and was told i was a diabetic and had a kidney infection...so they gave me diabetic pills and some antibiotics and sent me on my way. I shrug and walk away.
Since March of that year i had been an o/o thanks to Steve Wolfe. All was good, so i set about regaining control of my messed up finances from the previous years. The end result was to file bankruptcy. After all if you owe you owe...I made too much money for a chapter 7 so had to do a 13. This came with a huge monthly payment but hey, as i said i owe. Now i set about reaipring my damaged home which costs a couple thousand and continuing on. Also during this period i was plagued with small mishaps on the van. In comes a string of good deeds...
I have tried to help my gf over the past few years with loans and whatever i could do to help her with food phone car repairs and general support. All good deeds right? Every year it was the same thing, i will pay you back at tax time...4 years and nada...she owes me over 8k...i shrug and walk away...
I get the house into bankruptcy and plan to not turn on power till later...here comes the gf...can you let my son live with you? Here comes another good deed...i thought about it. He is the only one of 5 kids that goes to bed at 9 every night and goes to school on time and is on the honor society...he is self sufficient and plus he can take care of my pooches and the house while i am gone....okay i say yes. I create more bills, electric, water/sewage, and cable for the boy. Also i decide to get health insurance....another bill....what the frak am i thinking....
The van adds a few more small bills and Oct hits me....all i will say about Oct is that it felt like i was punched in the face repeatedly....it took me until the mid of december to pull out of the money owed to load one and to catch up on some of the bills that were 2 months behind each...all the while i am supporting a boy and even at times his mother who cant seem to pay her phone bills.
Some of you reading this are likely asking why i would do this...it is in my nature that if i can help, i will...even at my own expense. i figure i will catch up. wrong.
Jan this year i think was my best month at L1. Feb was good, and then March saw a decline...first week okay, second week crap, and third week crap with another problem. In Lansing i had the blood problem again only this time accompanied by extreme pain in my right side and groin area. I go to the er and was told i likely have kidney stones. After a cat scan i was told not stones but a tumor on the right kidney. Swell. 5.7cm mass. black gold, texas tea...i should move on to beverly....sigh I give them my best ahnald impersonation and say "It's not a toomah!" These guys don't seem to have a sense of humor, he just looks at me. So i ask if he has scissors and a needle and thread? Again just a look...hmmm tough crowd. So he tells me i need to see my family doc. and out i go.
The following Mon i get an appt for an ultra sound on tue, the last weel of march...i see the tumor...wow looks like i am growing a finger out of the kidney...so they schedule a cat scan with dye the following mon. This is becoming a logistical problem...with the poor mar dividend i have ended up behind on br again. oh well i will catch up...yeh.
Tue first week of Apr get the next cat scan...thur get a load goin south. Get 10m past louisville and throw a rod. Van gone job gone...excellent. Sooooo, get a rescue to my home. The following week urologist gets involved, time for a cystoscopy...longest one min in my life, for those of you who dont know, it is a trigger activated wire that gets shot into the outdoor of your wee willy wonka...alot of fun that is...this ends up revealing 5 red dots inside my bladder...wow...yessiree i almost laugh...this results in an mri w/dye...tasty.
three weeks later schedule another cystoscopy/biopsy. 30 min that will take...that requiers surgery, or someone was getting a beating, lol. At the start of that proceedure i learn that the urologist had not seen the mri...nice...professional...he leaves the room and comes back about 20min later...you have cancer we are taking the kidney, then he leaves the room to scrub up for my next violation.
So here I am, waiting for the results of the cystoscopy/biopsy... and a consultation from indy to set up surgery....for my added pleasure my phone was shut off today. Yup. sigh.

There are a a few of you here that have helped as best you could and i do appreciate it. Sadly my downward spiral continues. I have managed to get food stamps but do not qualify for temp disability because i did not pay into ssi 5 of the last 10 years...hazard of the expedite job.
My advice to you all is this, get health ins. make it work!
While you are doing you're taxes make sure you pay in...you never know when you will need what i cannot get.
And, watch out for chicks that belong on the springer show...mmmm hmmm
You too could end up a driver, to o/o to unemployed on foodstamps. I certainly hope not.
And to those who wonder why i am negative...well now you know. However for fun i will leave you all on a positive note.
I have been watching the forums and i am glad to see you all doing well! I hope you all have a great weekend coming up. Perhaps i will see you again in about 6-8 weeks or more, lol. Until then i bid you all adieu.

 

[jelliott]

Scott,

Wow, not sure what to say. A lot of things I want to say just sound kind of cheesy right now. But I am personally a believer that good things happen to good people. Don't ever quit trying to do the right thing.

I am not a big religious person but I will have your health in my thoughts. I agree completely about the insurance part. I stress to drivers all of the time the importance of things like this and occupational accident insurance.

I hope that you kick this thing in the a--, and we will be there and do what we can to help you get back on your feet when you are back in Taylor ready to go!

 

[ChrisGa23]

I hope things turn around for you and things start looking up and some of the things you said kinda inspired me to change some things. Like you I had a tumor but mine was on my brain. From what I been told I died twice while in surgery. My kidneys don't work at all gotta depend on medicine to keep them working. But to be honest I don't take care of my body or go to the doctor like I should. I supposed to take medicine but can't it costs well over 100k a year and makes me sick when I do. I don't have insurance but reading your story maybe I should cause things happen that we can't control. But keep your head up the way I see it you can't be down all your life good things happen to people when they least expect. Yours will come

 

[Wolfeman68]

Scott,

Answered your pm.

We've talked about your situation at length, and like you I always see the worst first. You are in a tough spot, but it ain't over till it's over.

First thing is to get the surgery done and recover. As for the rest, you have friends that care and a community with a track record of helping. Take it one step at a time.

I for one leave no man behind. How about it Load One family? Let's go!!!!!

Sent from my MB860 using EO Forums

 

[guido4475]

Scott,

Answered your pm.

We've talked about your situation at length, and like you I always see the worst first. You are in a tough spot, but it ain't over till it's over.

First thing is to get the surgery done and recover. As for the rest, you have friends that care and a community with a track record of helping. Take it one step at a time.

I for one leave no man behind. How about it Load One family? Let's go!!!!!

Sent from my MB860 using EO Forums

Scott, I have never thought of you as a negative person, and have always had good conversation with you.I am sorry for things happening the way they have, but you seem like a strong willed person, and I believe you will bring yourself back even better than before.You will succeed, no matter how bad things may look right now.I will keep you in my prayers, and if there is anything I can do, call me at 440-725-5951.I will do what I am capable of.

 

[golfournut]

Scott, don't worry about labels, consider the sources. They certainly aren't role models. So sorry about your string of luck.

Chris, you to have had a rough time of it also.

The reason for the reply is to share some experiences that I have been going thru since 2008. Hopefully the two of you will get some benefit and help from resources that you may not know exist.

In July of 2008 I was diagnosed with CML leukemia. I went in to get something else checked and came out with that. The good news for me is, if your gonna get leukemia, CML is the one to have because it is treatable with a pill.
At the time, I had a plush job with great insurance. Blood tests that I have quarterly cost a hair over $4k, the pill ,Glevac, $6500 per month. Insurance paid all but a $30 copayment for each.
In February of 2009, it became apparent that I could no longer do my job because of the leukemia. So I resigned. I was fortunate that I was able to get on my wife's insurance. However, they would not classify Glevac as formulary and customary so would only pay a very small percentage.

I turned to the web and started doing research. What I discovered is Novaris, the manufacture of Glevac offered deep discounts to patients that qualified financially. I also found that most of the major drug companies offer varying degrees of discounts to patients based on financial ability to pay.

The Leukemia foundation turned me on to a group named "My CML" that also offer financial help. They would even give a credit card to some.

After discussions with my oncologist, I did more research. Medications have patents. Those patents expire, hence Generic. When it comes to "drug specific" medicines, doctors write the prescriptions for the name brand pill. Most pharmacies cannot fill a "drug specific" prescription for one reason or another. In my case I had to go to John Hopkins pharmacy for my prescription. Now I use the VA. Walmart, Walgreens...etc, not a chance. Because of the patent on Glevac, there is no Generic available until next year, but from what I have found that type might be available at Walmart or Walgreens but not John Hopkins.

Because of my particular financial situation I didn't qualify for most of the discounts, but the VA costs $18 for my prescription.

So Scott, I suggest for you start with a cancer foundation for your named/type of cancer. Usually, the more specific the cancer, the greater the resources. They may offer some sort of financial assistance for your insurance copays or may be able to refer you somewhere else. Perhaps even a "study" where all is paid and you get paid a small amount. I don't know anything about welfare and medicaid, but perhaps there are some options or referrals there for you.

Chris, perhaps the manufacture can help you as well. Those discounts offered can be tremendous. As far as making you sick, at first Glevac did the same to me. It is one of the stated side effects. Take with food is how I am to take it. But, what kind of food. For example, for me, Bacon and eggs don't do it, but pancakes, toast, French toast or just about any kind of dough product works. Even a Honey Bun.

Hope this helps in some way. Good luck to you both.

 

[cheri1122]

Scott: I admire your willingness to put all that out there, and your tenacity in trying to deal with so many issues at the same time. [As Ashleigh Brilliant said: I try to take my problems one at a time, but they refuse to get in line!] I've never seen you as negative, either, BTW.
Golfournut's advice is sound, and I'd add: if you ever need to go to the ER for problems associated with not getting prescriptions filled, or taking all the meds [because it's financially impossible], the ER Dept will ensure that the problem is solved before letting you go home. [And trust me: they have way better resources for finding free/low cost programs than we do]. It's not something you should plan to do, just some FYI, in case.
I'm sure there's a few details you left out about the girlfriend - but I think you need to decide whether she's an asset or a liability - you don't need any more of the latter right now. If she adds to the quality of your life, she's a keeper - but it sounds like she adds mostly complications - just sayin....
There's a book about "Why bad things happen to good people" that I don't want to read because it would just make me mad - whatever the reason, it aint good enough. Having met you, I think you're good people, and I hope the good things start happening for you now.

 

[scottm4211]

I hope you can hang in there Scott. I can't even imagine what you're going through.
You must be a very strong person.

 

[xxiv24]

Scott: I admire your willingness to put all that out there, and your tenacity in trying to deal with so many issues at the same time. [As Ashleigh Brilliant said: I try to take my problems one at a time, but they refuse to get in line!] I've never seen you as negative, either, BTW.
Golfournut's advice is sound, and I'd add: if you ever need to go to the ER for problems associated with not getting prescriptions filled, or taking all the meds [because it's financially impossible], the ER Dept will ensure that the problem is solved before letting you go home. [And trust me: they have way better resources for finding free/low cost programs than we do]. It's not something you should plan to do, just some FYI, in case.
I'm sure there's a few details you left out about the girlfriend - but I think you need to decide whether she's an asset or a liability - you don't need any more of the latter right now. If she adds to the quality of your life, she's a keeper - but it sounds like she adds mostly complications - just sayin....
There's a book about "Why bad things happen to good people" that I don't want to read because it would just make me mad - whatever the reason, it aint good enough. Having met you, I think you're good people, and I hope the good things start happening for you now.

Yes, it has been said to me by many people that she is a liability. But here is the rub...I am totally aware of this liability. I have an old school way of thinking, which is in part to not allow anyone that i know if i can help it, to alleviate any pain or suffering that person or persons may be enduring. You know giving a fish vs teaching to fish. In this case i opted to do both.
Now there is a part here that allowed me to fall into a god complex, and that is failure to improve upon her life. This made me contnue to extert myself into an uncomprimising state. I became resolved at success not matter the cost...sadly the level of resistance was beyond my abilities and now i can no longer do anything for her or myself. She was used as an example to acknowledge my own folly...i willing put myself in this position when i knew better. While I may have failed here, at the very least I still have my integrity. In the end, i will do what needs to be done...it's just a shame that it must be so.

PS; and no, that doesn't mean i am a serial killer, lol

 

[xxiv24]

Scott, don't worry about labels, consider the sources. They certainly aren't role models. So sorry about your string of luck.

Chris, you to have had a rough time of it also.

The reason for the reply is to share some experiences that I have been going thru since 2008. Hopefully the two of you will get some benefit and help from resources that you may not know exist.

In July of 2008 I was diagnosed with CML leukemia. I went in to get something else checked and came out with that. The good news for me is, if your gonna get leukemia, CML is the one to have because it is treatable with a pill.
At the time, I had a plush job with great insurance. Blood tests that I have quarterly cost a hair over $4k, the pill ,Glevac, $6500 per month. Insurance paid all but a $30 copayment for each.
In February of 2009, it became apparent that I could no longer do my job because of the leukemia. So I resigned. I was fortunate that I was able to get on my wife's insurance. However, they would not classify Glevac as formulary and customary so would only pay a very small percentage.

I turned to the web and started doing research. What I discovered is Novaris, the manufacture of Glevac offered deep discounts to patients that qualified financially. I also found that most of the major drug companies offer varying degrees of discounts to patients based on financial ability to pay.

The Leukemia foundation turned me on to a group named "My CML" that also offer financial help. They would even give a credit card to some.

After discussions with my oncologist, I did more research. Medications have patents. Those patents expire, hence Generic. When it comes to "drug specific" medicines, doctors write the prescriptions for the name brand pill. Most pharmacies cannot fill a "drug specific" prescription for one reason or another. In my case I had to go to John Hopkins pharmacy for my prescription. Now I use the VA. Walmart, Walgreens...etc, not a chance. Because of the patent on Glevac, there is no Generic available until next year, but from what I have found that type might be available at Walmart or Walgreens but not John Hopkins.

Because of my particular financial situation I didn't qualify for most of the discounts, but the VA costs $18 for my prescription.

So Scott, I suggest for you start with a cancer foundation for your named/type of cancer. Usually, the more specific the cancer, the greater the resources. They may offer some sort of financial assistance for your insurance copays or may be able to refer you somewhere else. Perhaps even a "study" where all is paid and you get paid a small amount. I don't know anything about welfare and medicaid, but perhaps there are some options or referrals there for you.

Chris, perhaps the manufacture can help you as well. Those discounts offered can be tremendous. As far as making you sick, at first Glevac did the same to me. It is one of the stated side effects. Take with food is how I am to take it. But, what kind of food. For example, for me, Bacon and eggs don't do it, but pancakes, toast, French toast or just about any kind of dough product works. Even a Honey Bun.

Hope this helps in some way. Good luck to you both.

Actually, the lable is a bit accurate...and it is ok. Like Steve I always look for the bad before the good. My logic being that i don't like surprises, this one i didn't see coming...it happens. Thanx for the advice.

 

[xxiv24]

I hope you can hang in there Scott. I can't even imagine what you're going through.
You must be a very strong person.

I try to be strong but in this case my strength is sorely tested. Likely it is too many days sitting about with nothing to do but wait and reflect on everything...this is no time for reflection...lol
If push comes to shove, there is a shanty town under a bridge in Florida.

 

[xxiv24]

Scott, I have never thought of you as a negative person, and have always had good conversation with you.I am sorry for things happening the way they have, but you seem like a strong willed person, and I believe you will bring yourself back even better than before.You will succeed, no matter how bad things may look right now.I will keep you in my prayers, and if there is anything I can do, call me at 440-725-5951.I will do what I am capable of.

Hmmm, sounds like you need to talk to me some more, lol. Thanx for the offer.

 

[chefdennis]

Scott, I stayed off this thread at 1st because i didn't know what to say...I still don't..all of the advise that has been given is good and sound..but the fact is you hurt and venting was what was needed...yrs back when my dad was alive, if i had a problem id call him, he'd meet me anywhere any hour of the day so we could "talk"...but most of those conversations were pretty one sided..he normally never said anything beyond yeap, ah huh, ok, i see, yea.....

Keep coming back and "venting" on us... know that you are in my prayers and thoughts...and that you are thought about and asked about regularly....

 

[cheri1122]

Anyone who can crack wise while facing the obstacles you are is pretty tough [and has a warped sense of humor!] but you're not God, and you can't help anyone if you're not taking care of yourself first.
Please put your health first and foremost - everything else is replaceable, and personally, I think 'stuff' is overrated - just more to dust.

 

[shadow7663]

Wow Scott I just saw this. Stay positive and know we are here to support you anyway possible. Don't be afraid to get my number from Steve if you should need anything at all.

 

[xiggi]

Hey buddy, now look what you have gone and done, got your phone shut off and I'm stuck talking to Todd on those long drives. Takes a lot of nerve.

We have spoken about this since you were on your way to the ER in Lansing not a lot I can ad here that I haven't already said to you. Keep your head up and tell the dogs I said hi. Ill be in touch.

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