enabling or charity?

mcavoy33 · Sep 5, 2011

Usually once a month on a Saturday afternoon, when I go to my local walmart, there has been a Vet or current soldier (not sure of his status) collecting donations to make care packages to soldiers serving overseas. I usually give a small donation.

But today, I went to my local grocery store and there was a "disabled veteran" asking for donations / selling this pin / lapels type things.

Now I gave him a dollar just for the sake of donating something. But is this actually helping him or am I merely enabling him to beg for money and not really do anything productive? He looked relatively healthy to me but I can't accurately judge his condition fairly by walking by. Its not my place to.

On one hand, I've seen first hand how people can change after having served overseas and I want to help but on the other hand, I've seen my friend who served do nothing to help himself and I don't really know how to feel. I can't blame him for being lazy because I don't know what he went through.

But it makes me wonder if I am helping these guys or if I'm just encouraging lazy behaviour. I really don't know.

OntarioVanMan · Sep 5, 2011

How did you feel at the moment you gave your dollar?

In the middle of LIFE....is IF...we live thru a ton of IF's as we ponder our LIFE....and our choices...IF it made YOU feel better at that precise time...don't be second guessing your choices so hard...enjoy that moment...

greg334 · Sep 5, 2011

Enabling?

Seriously?

I find it odd that anyone would question it, taking anything out of your pocket to help others is a good thing.

Our society, even though we give greatly to causes, lacks compassion on many levels and this feeds the idea that we need welfare and other things to help people.

chefdennis · Sep 5, 2011

I use to question mself in alot f these type of situations when I'd do as you did...but none of can know what is going on with people that feel the need to ask for help like this....don't question why they do it or how they will use the money you gave...you helped for what you felt were the right reasons, and that in itself is enough....

Enabling...maybe...no...who knows....helping is what we need to, charity is how those that can do if they feel the need..its how it should be, and ill leave it at that other ten to say "thanks"..you did the right thing from my point of view...

Tennesseahawk · Sep 5, 2011

Do you question yourself when you pay your taxes? Cause every time you do, you're enabling people to be lazy.

cheri1122 · Sep 5, 2011

IMO, 'disabled vet' says all I need to hear to know it's not a scam to get money by begging [mooching!] instead of working.
I almost never give money to the moochers, but just a couple weeks ago I was approached at the TA in Monroe. The man was well groomed, early 60's, and his story involved a crashed car and a wife & daughter in the motel across the street, waiting for relatives to take them home the next day. I cut it short with my usual explanation "If you're leading up to asking for money, I don't have any. I carry only a few bucks, and that's all I've got." He then said he didn't want money - just food, enough to make a meal for the wife & daughter, cause he'd spent every penny he had on the motel, taxi, and so forth.
I left a few minutes later, with my cupboards nearly bare, having piled almost every nonperishable I had into bags for that man and his family.
Whether it's charity or enabling varies, and you have to decide each case as best you can, and do what feels right - that's all any of us can do.

paullud · Sep 5, 2011

It doesn't sound lazy, he is selling an item so he would be considered self employed. A lot of these guys come back not with PTSD but end up depressed and need some time to get their lives back on track. My brother did fine on his first tour in Iraq but on his second tour his wife left so he came back to a wrecked marriage, his wife spent all the money, and she had stopped paying bills. For these guys that go over there is the impression that life will be the same but life continues here and things change so it can be quite shocking.

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xiggi · Sep 5, 2011

paullud said:
It doesn't sound lazy, he is selling an item so he would be considered self employed. A lot of these guys come back not with PTSD but end up depressed and need some time to get their lives back on track. My brother did fine on his first tour in Iraq but on his second tour his wife left so he came back to a wrecked marriage, his wife spent all the money, and she had stopped paying bills. For these guys that go over there is the impression that life will be the same but life continues here and things change so it can be quite shocking.

If in fact he was a vet at all but who is to know in a short time. A person just has to do what their gut instinct tells them at that moment/

robh2 · Sep 6, 2011

I have a charity that works with wounded vets. If someone approaches me saying they need a few bucks and they are a vet, I ask to see their vet/military id card. Most back off then. Many use the vet story because its a good one. Just ask for the id.

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paullud · Sep 6, 2011

robh2 said:
I have a charity that works with wounded vets. If someone approaches me saying they need a few bucks and they are a vet, I ask to see their vet/military id card. Most back off then. Many use the vet story because its a good one. Just ask for the id.

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I thought that is what Cheri was going to say when she mentioned being in Monroe because I used to go to that TA a lot and the same guy would stop and ask for help and he always had his military ID with him to show people he wasn't lying.

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layoutshooter · Sep 6, 2011

Assuming he WAS a disabled vet, then I would help. I would ask for proof. There are a LOT of scam artists out there.

It is not a lack of compassion Greg, people are tired of being burned by scam artists. People have just changed how they deal with REAL need. There is just far too many fakes and bums out there to deal with.

greg334 · Sep 6, 2011

layoutshooter said:
Assuming he WAS a disabled vet, then I would help. I would ask for proof. There are a LOT of scam artists out there.

It is not a lack of compassion Greg, people are tired of being burned by scam artists. People have just changed how they deal with REAL need. There is just far too many fakes and bums out there to deal with.

Burnt how?

By giving someone 2 or 3 bucks, that makes an impact on one's life so greatly that it will take away from their kids college education or prevent them from getting their dog help?

Well here is the thing, Walmart doesn't seem to let just anyone pass themselves off as a vet. It may be the walmarts near my home that actually check the groups out before letting sit at their entrance.

BUT with that said, how do you check out a guy in a wheel chair with a vest on with Vietnam related stickers on it and no legs?

layoutshooter · Sep 6, 2011

greg334 said:
Burnt how?

By giving someone 2 or 3 bucks, that makes an impact on one's life so greatly that it will take away from their kids college education or prevent them from getting their dog help?

Well here is the thing, Walmart doesn't seem to let just anyone pass themselves off as a vet. It may be the walmarts near my home that actually check the groups out before letting sit at their entrance.

BUT with that said, how do you check out a guy in a wheel chair with a vest on with Vietnam related stickers on it and no legs?

I carry a VA card.

Burnt? When you SEE a guy get out of a new Ford F250, and start begging. We have ALL seen "professional" panhandlers.

tbubster · Sep 6, 2011

If you felt good when you gave the money dont even think about it anymore.For myself I Give most of the time when they are in front of stores or at the lights,not because I have to but bucause its only a couple of bucks anyway and most of the time they are in a group.

I was at a pilot near franklin ky I had got up did my morning thing went back out to truck and it would not start.There is a petro service station across the street,I went over there they said about two hours so I went back to truck to wait.This guy comes walking up and starts telling me how he is a truck driver trying to get to nashville for a job and he was about out of gas.Now I had money in my pocket but told him I had none.I told him If he brought his pick-up around and gave me a jump that I would use credit card to put 25 dollars in gas in it.He said ok he would go get it never seen him again.When he walked away Had a feeling he was full of it.I have had guys come up and ask for money saying they were hungry I go in and buy them something to eat.I almost never give money to single people that ask for it.

CAMPER started a thread that is about a vet claiming to be a war hero to get a free trip to vegas.Is he a vet yes Is he a war hero no so yes even something as honored as being a vet and serving your country people use to scam.

cheri1122 · Sep 6, 2011

LOS is right: there is way too much mooching masquerading as real need, and the fact that I [one of the biggest marshmallows ever, sigh] have a 'usual' reply ['If you're leading up to asking for money..."] is proof. I just hope it doesn't blind us to the real need that is out there, because it surely is.

layoutshooter · Sep 6, 2011

cheri1122 said:
LOS is right: there is way too much mooching masquerading as real need, and the fact that I [one of the biggest marshmallows ever, sigh] have a 'usual' reply ['If you're leading up to asking for money..."] is proof. I just hope it doesn't blind us to the real need that is out there, because it surely is.

I don't believe that American's are stopping charitable contributions to the degree that many may think. I DO believe that many are just paying far more attention to who or where they donate.

It will also become more difficult to give to charity as taxes go up. With less disposable money, American's are going to need more of what they have left to make ends meet themselves. Government will NOT be able to pick up the slack. Things will likely get worse as time passes.