A better system is we're the U.S. and our stick is bigger than your stick so walk the line or we'll use our stick on your head.
Leo,
Thank you for your thoughts on furthering International Relations - we are
extremely lucky, as well as
truly honored, that you would choose us, here in the EO body-politik, to be the first to hear of this.
Your profound insights into the nature of what makes for
better relations and understanding between civilized peoples will undoubtedly be viewed for the watershed moment that it is.
I'm quite sure that your extensive experience (
as the target of the dominant child on the school playground) as you were growing up allowed you ample time, and provided a uniquely fertile environment for your young mind to perfect your methodology and techniques into a
near art-form.
Coupled with your vast experience in
familial plumbing verification, how could anyone have the least doubt about your ability to see behind the facade and into the
true nature of men (
and, of course ....... most particularly, young women)
I'm totally confident that such a measure will
make all peoples of the Earth like us
much morer ..... and cause them to want to be our BFF's (
Best Friends Forever) .....
and certainly will not make any American citizen - who might be traveling out of the country - a target ..... nor will will our citizens' abroad heads unexpectedly explode ...... (
as your's evidently has 
)
..... although other parts of them likely will ....
I suggest that you immediately start working on your speech for the dedication ceremony for the new
Leo D. Bricker School of International Relations that I understand Harvard is considering, and is now sure to adopt - with
a winning strategy such as the one you have outlined above, it's sure to be a lock.
As always, your devoted fan,
Elmer Gantry
