Balancing Home and The Road

[PreacherRich]

Hey All,

Here is a question I have been beating myself up trying to figure out. I have a pretty little blond at home that drives my desire to get the most possible miles in and be a good provider. The same pretty little blond also hates me being away from home. I get grief if I am not making money and grief if I am not home.

I know that I am not the only one who has ran up against this one. I am looking for responces from drivers that have overcame and have a great marriage.

I am new at this and the money is just starting to come in. (that may help) She is also a very hard worker and may get laid off this winter for a few month and we may go out as a team and show her what I do. (that may help) I have tried to explain that there is not much difference with my actual time at home if I were working a 60 hour job at home. But about 6 to 10 days out the stress begins. I have been praying through this and it is a struggle.

So, if you have any solid advice for a newer expediter, it sure would be appreciated

 

[paullud]

Have you tried being a real jerk when you are home so she wants you gone? I'll ask my wife to chime in with some advice for you and your wife as to how she dealt with it.

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[chefdennis]

Each "Family" handles this situation differently...me and my wife are happy with me being out for however long i am..be it 3 days or 30..it is what it is...but we have been together and married over dang near 30 years to...

All i can say is if you do NOT have her support at home....you have a few decisions to make...it could end ugly...

 

[sassy_1210]

When Paul first started driving truck it would be almost two months before I saw him sometimes.
The best thing that worked for me was keeping busy and he would call a few times a day.
If you have any other questions feel free to ask.

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[MissKat]

Take a lot of photos of what you Di and where you are. The dirty truckstop lot, where you park to sleep, your fast-food dinner, traffic backups, flat tires. Her imagination is your worst enemy. Let her set up your sleeper. Even if its too foo foo for you. Let her think she owns you in so many words. Send her postcards from the road. I've been in her shoes ,
Then I got my cdl....
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[mcavoy33]

Take a lot of photos of what you Did and where you are. The dirty truckstop lot, where you park to sleep, your fast-food dinner, traffic backups, flat tires. Her imagination is your worst enemy. Let her set up your sleeper. Even if its too foo foo for you. Let her think she owns you in so many words. Send her postcards from the road. I've been in her shoes ,
Then I got my cdl....

Some really good idea's here. Just don't send her pics of the lot lizards, save those for your buddies eyes only.


But honestly, women really appreciate this kind of small stuff.

 

[greg334]

We all have this problem and the best one can do is show the other half what life is like on the road and stress it is not all that easy.

 

[cheri1122]

If I were wishing someone could be with me more than they are, what would make it easier is believing that they want the same thing - tell her [often] that you'd rather be with her than where you are.

 

[BigCat]

Well i cant help but when you figure it out let me know. Mine tried to file divorce after i started this job and we are trying to work it out but after i told her i would be home to take my son trick r treating i am in laredo the day im supposed to do that.

Im getting kind of burned out but i know i need to work and this is as good as it is going to get. It has been around 3 months since i have seen my son. Im hoping and praying it gets better but im doing the best i can.

Keep your head up as its tough at first but i think it will get easier for you.

 

[Jason2]

i agree with chefdennis 100%. i hope it works out for you. when i was gone a few days at a time my wife give me a lot of grief sometimes but others she would want me gone when i was having my days.it worked out alot.still married to the same one after 28 years.she wishes we could hit the road together now but dont know if we put up with each other for long periods of time in little space.just kidding love her to death,we have to have our space sometimes tho.

 

[Jason2]

forgot Good Luck keeping a woman happy all the time tho

 

[Scuba]

Mine loved it when i was gone she could have her boyfriends over more. Now she lives where ever she can find a place to stay until she gets under foot and they throw her out. Man i am so glad i no longer have that problem life is goooooooooood

 

[BigWheeler]

The best thing I can tell you is to communicate. Just let her know what you just explained here. That you are doing your best to provide and yet this is all you can do right now. Make sure you encourage her everyday,and let her now that is just as hard on you.
If she gets laid off I would encourage you to bring her out. Eleven years I drove solo, and when the economy went south so did my wifes job. We went to the expedited expo and that is all she wrote. We have been doing this now for 2.5 yrs.
Until she is ready to come out, communicate,communicate, communicate, and make hometimes memorable, don't sweat the small stuff, and love her even when she is upset at you for being gone. Hope that helps in some way. God bless you.

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[LisaLouHoo]

We're not married but we might as well be. I knew from day 1 how OTR work would keep him away. He was very up front about it immediately, he wanted to make certain I understood, as many ex girlfriends before said they did then couldn't handle it.

I have a bit of experience in handling things on my own well before I met Jeff, so that gave me the ability to deal with this situation. When I was married, I worked in town, my husband commuted. He was gone every weekday 5am til 5:30pm. I had to handle doctors, lawyers, vehicle repairs, banking, etc. Then, my husband died and I was REALLY on my own. I had no choice, because he was never going to be home again.

From my perspective: my boyfriend has to make a living. He has wanderlust. OTR is a win-win for him. Before I started going with him, our contact while he was gone was a phone call every night. I knew that. I accepted it as part of our lives. Now that he is new to T/T, I am currently staying at home, for the next few months.

Do I feel neglected? No. Overwhelmed? Only if I would allow it. He has got to do what he has to do and in supporting him, I DO NOT mention I am having a bad day with certain projects around our homes. It would only add to his stress. I can handle things. I know how. I miss his input or assistance at times, but I know telling him that may lead to pressure he surely doesn't need to deal with. He feels badly enough that he misses birthdays, holidays, family gatherings at times. As the woman in his life, I must provide him with a safe emotional haven, the one person he can rely on for a friendly voice on the other end of the phone from L.A., ready with lighthearted stories about the day.

If he point blank asks about some issue, I tell him. I also assure him whatever is being dealt with.

I do miss him. He misses me. We know that. Talking about it ad nauseum only worsens the homesickness; but this is the life, this is the way it is. We adapt.


"Bruises fade and bones will mend-but a psyche can be ruined FOREVER" : LisaLouHoo, c. 2008

 

[fastman_1]

I'm on my second marriage,the road killed my first one but took 23 years to do it.As for this marriage I won't let the road get near it,I'm at the point in my life where I don't need to be gone for more than just a day or two

 

[PreacherRich]

Hey people thank you so much for the replies! Some good folks on here. I am sure we can work through this and get it figured out.

Rock On!
Rich

 

[Jefferson3000]

Hey Preach. You're right. This kind of job ain't easy. I have two pretty brunettes that I like to be home for, a grown one and a miniature one. I was in the truck for quite some time before handing my keys to someone else and just dispatching. For her, the worst part was the trip to drop me at my truck. My worst moments were about 60 miles out after loading. We made it a point to talk on the phone a lot. Heck. We really are best friends. It's definitely NOT for everyone, and that's ok if you find that it's not where you want to be five years from now.

I try to be understanding when my guys need to get home. I do the best I can to load them back in. Make sure that when you are home, that your brain is with you, and not still on the road. Rest, but take her to dinner, and spend lots of planned times together, where work is not allowed to interrupt.

 

[Jenny]

I haven't personally experienced t with my husband but i watched my mom and dad do it for like 6 years. They would talk a lot. He would bring her home rollsand rolls of film. Flowers, stuffed animals, the little cheesy glass figurines. Many cards and letters. They made it last and are now on theroad together. Also some companies will letyou take her as a rider. You have to fill out a form and then she can go with you. That's how I rode with Nick before I got my license. With technology being way more advanced that the 90's it should be much easier. Also it gives her a chance to getmore involved with things at home such as crafting, volunteering, religion, and friends in general. Hope this helps.

 

[RedBird]

Hey Preacher Rich,

Lot's of good advice from a lot of veteran expediters out there. In my situation before I got married, I ran like gang busters running expedited freight. When I got married, my wife wasn't too keen on me being gone for such long stretches of time. Although my father-in-law was a trucker but he ran tanker and was home every night. And I saw things from my wife's perspective (and mine is a hottie too ) after all we got married because we were lonely being single.

I'd love to run team with her, but she has a really good job in the travel industry and has been doing it for almost 20yrs. So I don't want her to give up her career for me. So she knows I like to drive and especially expedite, so we came up with a solution that works for us. I took a fulltime job, working nights, and have my hours such that I work 4 days a week and leaves me 3 days off to go expediting. Now this works for me since I live in suburban Chicago which is a great freight area so when I get off on Thursday mornings, I let each carrier I am hooked up with (and I deal with 3) that I'm available, whoever calls me first with a load, I take. I always let the others know where I'm headed so that they can find me a load back home. it works for me cause I still get to do what I want, and she still has me too. And when I am travelling, I call often too! When she can, she will travel with me too!

Bottom line is everybody who posted here has given you great advice. Follow your heart and everything will work its self out. Good Luck, God Bless, and Drive Safely. Tom aka Redbird O/O with Blue Jay Delivery Service.

ps I sent you a pm regarding another post!

 

[ATeam]

I am new at this and the money is just starting to come in. (that may help) She is also a very hard worker and may get laid off this winter for a few month and we may go out as a team and show her what I do. (that may help) I have tried to explain that there is not much difference with my actual time at home if I were working a 60 hour job at home. But about 6 to 10 days out the stress begins. I have been praying through this and it is a struggle.

So, if you have any solid advice for a newer expediter, it sure would be appreciated

I know nothign about what it is like to leave a loved-one at home when you go out on the road but do know a bit about being on the road as a husband/wife team. In a word, it's great. You mentioned the possibility of the two of you going out together. If she is truly open to that, it may be the solution.

If not, Maybe it is expediting that should be left behind instead of your significant other.