When you read this, just think of it as the long suffering "60 Minutes" curmudgeon.
60 seconds reporter Andy Ruiney visited a truckstop the other day, here is his report.
Did you ever wonder what it would take to make a better truckstop. I was at the Flying J in Montreal the other day. In French Flying J must translate into “ lower your expectations”.
Unless your expectations involve the two big mainstays of commercial transportation……….video poker and drinking. Just in case you turn right instead of left when you walk in the front door they have conveniently place a drinking/gambling establishment at each end of the building. I find it odd really, being an expediter it’s obvious you enjoy gambling and ****ing your money away, why would you need to enhance the experience inside? The good news is they open at 8am in case you want to get an early start at enhancing your driving skills for the day.
I noticed on Quebec license plates the statement “Je Me Souviens” which means “I remember”. Remember what? Where you parked, the colour and make of your truck, the fact you live in Quebec? Maybe it’s some kind of government program to combat Alzheimer’s by making you use your mind. Personally I think it’s a sobriety test, you walk up to your truck and after staring at the plate you can thrust a finger in the air and shout “I remember, I’m from Quebec!” and that qualifies you to drive. Most of the drivers I run into have just passed this test although I don’t understand the need to run over the fuel island to validate the results. It seems like a silly slogan to me. I remember….of course you do, you live there and the rest of North America can’t understand the slogan because it’s French. I like New Hampshire, Live Free or Die, at least that’s useful advice.
I stopped in for a shower. You notice a few things right off the bat. First was I think the last person to use the shower was a Viking. There was a lot of blond hair left over for me to see and there were what looked like horn marks in the soap scum on the tiles. Vikings did always have neat hats. I would have said something but I’ve had too many embarrassing moments at the J. Like the time another gentleman pointed out that since I was defecating it might be a good idea to take my pants off first, and then asked me why I was sitting in a urinal. At least then I knew why my back was wet and my shoes felt warm. I hobbled awkwardly out to the truck with some guy running after me telling me I should have a reaction drill for the occasion. I have a friend who told me about a reaction drill he and another friend did with regard to a blown steer tire. I listened to the story and I don’t think it really could have happened that way. He drives for Panther so maybe he has issues.
While I was in the shower I used the soap provided in the dispenser on the wall, I like it because when I’m done I smell exactly like my truck does after it’s been through the Blue Beacon. The water beading off my arm is just a nice touch. I like the fact that they mix the soap 100 to 1 with water so I don’t run the risk of having any soapy build up on my skin…..or lather. Nothing ruins a good shower more than lather. I also pondered the shower mat. Are the “facts” still strange if they’ve been the same ones you’ve been seeing for the last 9 months? I know I need to drink more soda, I’m at least 50 cans behind. You usually end up reading the mat as you wake up from the concussion you got when its waxy surface coupled with the shower curtain that’s too short combine to produce the kind of magic carpet ride you used to need 4 hits of acid to get. I think I might have exceeded 65 mph skidding across the floor but I didn’t have my Quebec tags on so I didn’t remember. My wife now waits outside the door wearing a fireman’s outfit and wielding an axe. We practiced this reaction drill until we got kicked out for chopping up all the shower doors. That’s OK, I fell so many times I had to get a metal plate put in my forehead. Now when we pass under the Pre-Pass readers I wet my pants and shout "I remember" uncontrollably.
I guess the slogan is accurate, I do remember, I wish I could forget…………….
60 seconds reporter Andy Ruiney visited a truckstop the other day, here is his report.
Did you ever wonder what it would take to make a better truckstop. I was at the Flying J in Montreal the other day. In French Flying J must translate into “ lower your expectations”.
Unless your expectations involve the two big mainstays of commercial transportation……….video poker and drinking. Just in case you turn right instead of left when you walk in the front door they have conveniently place a drinking/gambling establishment at each end of the building. I find it odd really, being an expediter it’s obvious you enjoy gambling and ****ing your money away, why would you need to enhance the experience inside? The good news is they open at 8am in case you want to get an early start at enhancing your driving skills for the day.
I noticed on Quebec license plates the statement “Je Me Souviens” which means “I remember”. Remember what? Where you parked, the colour and make of your truck, the fact you live in Quebec? Maybe it’s some kind of government program to combat Alzheimer’s by making you use your mind. Personally I think it’s a sobriety test, you walk up to your truck and after staring at the plate you can thrust a finger in the air and shout “I remember, I’m from Quebec!” and that qualifies you to drive. Most of the drivers I run into have just passed this test although I don’t understand the need to run over the fuel island to validate the results. It seems like a silly slogan to me. I remember….of course you do, you live there and the rest of North America can’t understand the slogan because it’s French. I like New Hampshire, Live Free or Die, at least that’s useful advice.
I stopped in for a shower. You notice a few things right off the bat. First was I think the last person to use the shower was a Viking. There was a lot of blond hair left over for me to see and there were what looked like horn marks in the soap scum on the tiles. Vikings did always have neat hats. I would have said something but I’ve had too many embarrassing moments at the J. Like the time another gentleman pointed out that since I was defecating it might be a good idea to take my pants off first, and then asked me why I was sitting in a urinal. At least then I knew why my back was wet and my shoes felt warm. I hobbled awkwardly out to the truck with some guy running after me telling me I should have a reaction drill for the occasion. I have a friend who told me about a reaction drill he and another friend did with regard to a blown steer tire. I listened to the story and I don’t think it really could have happened that way. He drives for Panther so maybe he has issues.
While I was in the shower I used the soap provided in the dispenser on the wall, I like it because when I’m done I smell exactly like my truck does after it’s been through the Blue Beacon. The water beading off my arm is just a nice touch. I like the fact that they mix the soap 100 to 1 with water so I don’t run the risk of having any soapy build up on my skin…..or lather. Nothing ruins a good shower more than lather. I also pondered the shower mat. Are the “facts” still strange if they’ve been the same ones you’ve been seeing for the last 9 months? I know I need to drink more soda, I’m at least 50 cans behind. You usually end up reading the mat as you wake up from the concussion you got when its waxy surface coupled with the shower curtain that’s too short combine to produce the kind of magic carpet ride you used to need 4 hits of acid to get. I think I might have exceeded 65 mph skidding across the floor but I didn’t have my Quebec tags on so I didn’t remember. My wife now waits outside the door wearing a fireman’s outfit and wielding an axe. We practiced this reaction drill until we got kicked out for chopping up all the shower doors. That’s OK, I fell so many times I had to get a metal plate put in my forehead. Now when we pass under the Pre-Pass readers I wet my pants and shout "I remember" uncontrollably.
I guess the slogan is accurate, I do remember, I wish I could forget…………….
