Search results

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came...

A man was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as the man bursts into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think...

I Owe It All To My Mother 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...

women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing softball all our lives. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's...

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. * I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! * What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" * We always hold...

Just in from Muslim Heaven OSAMA BIN LADIN has just met with the first of his 72 virgins that Allah promised 'ALLAH AKBAR'

Wine for Seniors I kid you not.... New Wine for Seniors California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips...

A Cowboy from Laramie, Wyoming, walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international rodeo for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told...

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee...

> Who said men don't remember anniversaries? > > A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. > > She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. > > She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. > > He...

Humor for today A rabbi was walking down the street, when he noticed one of his congregants, on the other side of the street, entering a Chinese restaurant. The rabbi crossed the street to peer through the window of the restaurant, to see what his congregant was doing in the traif...

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the...

Why Are Americans Jobless ? John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES ) . He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE...

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25-year-old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night...

Subject: FW: First Jewish Woman President The year is 2016 and the United States has elected a woman, Susan Goldfarb, as the first Jewish president. She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so...

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and, if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next...

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of...

A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took It to the clerk to ask what it was.. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's...

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. 'I'm too young to die,' she wails. Then she...