I'm the furthest thing from a DOT narc but what you're doing wrong is only having one headlight. Other than it being a semi decent but generic song by the wallflowers (featuring Bob Dylan's son), you can't cyclops down the interstate Moot!
I talked to a guy in an '06 Sprinter the other day. He has 550k on it and only uses 15W40 Dino oil (knowing full well that it's not recommended). Says he's never used any oil and the engine has never been apart. Who knows...