You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch,
old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement
project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to
help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the
following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the
mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never
know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout
lane.
You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still
got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The
cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went
to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age
and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not
to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's
Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole
in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Break wind out loud
and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with
the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch,
old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of
tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement
project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to
help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the
following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the
mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never
know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout
lane.
You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still
got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The
cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went
to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age
and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not
to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's
Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole
in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your
shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you
remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Break wind out loud
and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with
the old lady who greeted you at the front door.