We all have our disagreements with President Bush. Immigration, U.S.
Attorney firings, Iraq, Darfur, etc are all hot topics these days.
The following "speech" was written by an ordinary 'Maine-iac.' While satirical
in nature, all satire must have a basis in FACT to be effective. An excellent
piece by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush SHOULD give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans..."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable
offenses in this office. The reason I'm quitting is simple.
I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the
world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours.
And the majority of you are too dang lazy to do your homework and figure it
out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news
media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank,
and that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of
MINORITY homeowners. While we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that
minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as
low as it ever was during
the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before,
but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too
##### stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand
in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are
more worried about polar bears and beach front property than your economic
security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil"
thing. If I was trading blood for oil, I would've already seized
Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to the devil, and don't give me
this 'Bush Lied, People Died' crap either. If I was the liar you morons take me
for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same
as me. Let me also remind you, regime change in Iraq, was official US policy
before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy.
Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold
war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off.
We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to
survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they
survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't
also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can, but; they are.
They want to kill you, and the creeps are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11, but; you're not. That's because you've got no
idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and
homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess
started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm
disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to
a single season of 'Survivor'.
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the
long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a
few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dammit, you might just as well
Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. Even
if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch
American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, but; you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea
level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more about your insane
belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from , but;
I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your
heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford.
I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here, pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars
of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. ,That means Pelosi is your new
President. ,You asked for it. ,Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart
enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. ,God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean.
The rest of you, ?????????.
Attorney firings, Iraq, Darfur, etc are all hot topics these days.
The following "speech" was written by an ordinary 'Maine-iac.' While satirical
in nature, all satire must have a basis in FACT to be effective. An excellent
piece by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush SHOULD give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans..."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable
offenses in this office. The reason I'm quitting is simple.
I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the
world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours.
And the majority of you are too dang lazy to do your homework and figure it
out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news
media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank,
and that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of
MINORITY homeowners. While we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that
minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as
low as it ever was during
the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before,
but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too
##### stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand
in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are
more worried about polar bears and beach front property than your economic
security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil"
thing. If I was trading blood for oil, I would've already seized
Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to the devil, and don't give me
this 'Bush Lied, People Died' crap either. If I was the liar you morons take me
for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same
as me. Let me also remind you, regime change in Iraq, was official US policy
before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy.
Bet you didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold
war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off.
We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to
survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they
survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't
also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can, but; they are.
They want to kill you, and the creeps are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11, but; you're not. That's because you've got no
idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and
homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess
started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm
disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to
a single season of 'Survivor'.
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the
long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a
few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dammit, you might just as well
Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. Even
if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch
American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, but; you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea
level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more about your insane
belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from , but;
I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your
heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford.
I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the
capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here, pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars
of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. ,That means Pelosi is your new
President. ,You asked for it. ,Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart
enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. ,God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean.
The rest of you, ?????????.
