I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to sendmeyour damn chain letters over the past two years.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the
rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wet
dog on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our
American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will
turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out
for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their
special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo
much
for
looking out for me!
I will now return the favor. If you DON'T send this e-mail to at
least1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
crap
on your head at noon tomorrow. I know this will occur because it
actually
happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a
friend of a friend.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the
rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wet
dog on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our
American troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will
turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out
for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their
special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo
much
for
looking out for me!
I will now return the favor. If you DON'T send this e-mail to at
least1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
crap
on your head at noon tomorrow. I know this will occur because it
actually
happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a
friend of a friend.