> And a Happy St. Paddy's Day to you all.
>
>
> McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
> removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
>
> When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
> Irishman started to leave.
>
> "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
> "what was that all about?"
>
> "Nothin'," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of
> olives!"
>
> *******************************************************
>
> "I've Lost Me Luggage"
>
> An Irishman arrived at J. F. K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
> with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was
> already homesick.
>
> "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
>
> "How'd that happen?"
>
> "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
>
> *****************************************************
>
> "Water to Wine"
>
> An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
> in Connecticut.
>
> The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
> empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been
> drinking?"
>
> "Just water," says the priest.
>
> The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
> The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
> ***********************************************
>
> "The Brothel"
>
> Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel
> across the street.
>
> They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
> "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
>
> Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye,
> 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
>
> Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
> said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
>
> *************************************
>
> Irish Cemetery
>
> Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub
> late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
> graveyard.
>
> "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God
> bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
>
> "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here
> that he was 95 when he died!"
>
> Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
>
> "What was his name?" asks Paddy.
>
> Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
> written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
>
> "Miles, from Dublin."
>
> ***************************************************
>
> Irish Predicament
>
> Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic
> Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
>
> The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits
> there.
>
> Finally, the Priest pounds three times on t! he wall.
>
> The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
> either."
>
> ***************************************************
>
> Irish Last Request
>
> Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service,
> and she's in tears.
>
> He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
>
> She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last
> night."
>
> The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last
> requests?"
>
> She says, "That he did, Father..."
>
> The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
>
> She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
> Happy St. Patrick's Day!
>
>
> McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
> removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
>
> When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
> Irishman started to leave.
>
> "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
> "what was that all about?"
>
> "Nothin'," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of
> olives!"
>
> *******************************************************
>
> "I've Lost Me Luggage"
>
> An Irishman arrived at J. F. K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
> with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was
> already homesick.
>
> "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
>
> "How'd that happen?"
>
> "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
>
> *****************************************************
>
> "Water to Wine"
>
> An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
> in Connecticut.
>
> The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
> empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been
> drinking?"
>
> "Just water," says the priest.
>
> The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
> The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
> ***********************************************
>
> "The Brothel"
>
> Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel
> across the street.
>
> They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said,
> "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
>
> Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye,
> 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
>
> Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
> said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
>
> *************************************
>
> Irish Cemetery
>
> Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub
> late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
> graveyard.
>
> "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God
> bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
>
> "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here
> that he was 95 when he died!"
>
> Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
>
> "What was his name?" asks Paddy.
>
> Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
> written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
>
> "Miles, from Dublin."
>
> ***************************************************
>
> Irish Predicament
>
> Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic
> Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
>
> The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits
> there.
>
> Finally, the Priest pounds three times on t! he wall.
>
> The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
> either."
>
> ***************************************************
>
> Irish Last Request
>
> Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service,
> and she's in tears.
>
> He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
>
> She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last
> night."
>
> The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last
> requests?"
>
> She says, "That he did, Father..."
>
> The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
>
> She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
> Happy St. Patrick's Day!
