*the rules of rural pennsylvania are as follows:
Listen up city slickers!!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' no matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your lexus. Drive it or get out of
the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you,
get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, i-81 goes north and
south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers
and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,
we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after
'catchin' 'em'. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.
9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held on the monday after thanksgiving.
10... We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can
order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: Meats (includes
fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: Salt, pepper, hot sauce
and ketchup. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in jersey call that
stuff you eat...it ain't real chili!!!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over
ice.
14. You bring 'mary jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, and have long hair.
15.. College and high school football is as important here as the eagles and
the steelers, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks
the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, community
colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love
for god and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the
holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the army, navy, air force, and marines.
So don't try your liberal progressive crap with us. If you do, you will get
whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music,
anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers.
Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard-it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense
in it, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery
stores. This ain't alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day
without croissants.. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next
Listen up city slickers!!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' no matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your lexus. Drive it or get out of
the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you,
get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, i-81 goes north and
south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers
and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,
we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after
'catchin' 'em'. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.
9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held on the monday after thanksgiving.
10... We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can
order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: Meats (includes
fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: Salt, pepper, hot sauce
and ketchup. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in jersey call that
stuff you eat...it ain't real chili!!!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over
ice.
14. You bring 'mary jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, and have long hair.
15.. College and high school football is as important here as the eagles and
the steelers, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks
the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, community
colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love
for god and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the
holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the army, navy, air force, and marines.
So don't try your liberal progressive crap with us. If you do, you will get
whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music,
anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers.
Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard-it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense
in it, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery
stores. This ain't alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day
without croissants.. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next
