Redneck Math Challenge

[outwardbound 2]

Redneck Math Challenge



I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.


2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?


(A) '65 Ford Fairlane


(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat


(C) '80 Ford pickup.


3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?


4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?


5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?


6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?


7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?


8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?



I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't cha? It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

 

[louixo]

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.

Ah yes, the old "Diospyros Kaki Linn". See now there a few additional details I would have to have, such as: Variety would be very important, are we talking Eureka, Hachiya, Honan Red, Saijo, Tamopan, Fuyu, Gosho, Imoto, Izu, Suruga or a number of others ! You know the Astringent or Nonastringent. Then we have to get into the particular pH factor, be it 6.5 or 7.5 ? And wo don't get me started on the critical time of maturity in which the rainfall has been either 36 or closer to 48 inches. Of course unless the plant has had excessive nitrogen fed into its little limbs. Plus I know that you know the seedling of either Lotus or Kaki makes a huge difference. Of course there is always the factor of whether the mites have caused "Brown Lace Collar" or not. But I knew that you knew of all these important factors and you were just trying to see if I would slip up and make a random guess. Well cowboy, you're not dealing with just anybody, Ya Know !!


2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?

That would definately be the Diplomat, and especially if it was coated with that years D-4 silver coating.


(A) '65 Ford Fairlane


(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat


(C) '80 Ford pickup.


3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required
to condense the product?

Well here we go again ! From a 4,6 or 8 cylinder vehicle ? But a good close approximate from a mid-size running a non-turbo with an inner-cooler would range from 2 1/2 to 3 and 3/4 gallons. But you still see the variance problem with this question. I was born at night but not on a turnip truck !


4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot
is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down.

Now let's see, that's approximately just .17 under a full hectare. Plus we have to get into a few more stats concerning the stature of the male or female operator. Also the early morning consumption of pancakes or steak & eggs plus biscuits and gravy could really have a bearing on the outcome. Then there's the whole seasonal dispute to be considered. These are all very determining factors !




5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16
feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

27 !


6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children
place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for
their electric appliances to sit out front?

Oh absolutely ! The hollow is the only thing that's going to protect them from the Tarnadeees !


7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

AH HA ! Another trick question ! You did not even come to close to specifing the regional local of the aforementioned secondary road.


8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?

Taking the specified initial generation mentioned as the starting point, that would be exactly 8 yrs. 7 months and 19 days.

 

[outwardbound 2]

louixo great answers you pass this quiz with flying colors. Heres your deploma you have satified all requierments to graduate the 6th grade may you life in the world outside of these hallowed halls be fruitful.