>>> One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
>>> a very Sexy nightie.
>>> 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
>>> So he tied her up and went golfing.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> *****************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
>>> into the house.
>>> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>>> 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
>>> The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>>> mountain stuff?'
>>> 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
>>> and the other is a husband.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> *************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>>> license.
>>> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
>>> The optician showed him a card with the letters
>>>
>>> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>> 'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
>>> 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know that guy.'
>>>
>>>
>>> ******************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>>> 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
>>> the convent.'
>>> 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of
>>> chardonay..'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>> 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
>>> gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
>>> THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to
>>> get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I
>>> said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
>>> Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
>>> mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to
>>> salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
>>> The wife stared at him.
>>> 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how
>>> to fry a couple of eggs?'
>>> The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it
>>> feels like when I'm driving.'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
>>> man, was drafted by the Army.
>>> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
>>> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>>> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
>>> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>>> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
>>> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
>>>
>>> a very Sexy nightie.
>>> 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
>>> So he tied her up and went golfing.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> *****************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
>>> into the house.
>>> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>>> 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
>>> The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>>> mountain stuff?'
>>> 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
>>> and the other is a husband.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> *************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>>> license.
>>> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
>>> The optician showed him a card with the letters
>>>
>>> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>> 'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
>>> 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know that guy.'
>>>
>>>
>>> ******************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>>> 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
>>> the convent.'
>>> 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of
>>> chardonay..'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>> 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
>>> gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
>>> THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to
>>> get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I
>>> said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
>>> Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
>>> mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to
>>> salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
>>> The wife stared at him.
>>> 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how
>>> to fry a couple of eggs?'
>>> The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it
>>> feels like when I'm driving.'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ********************************************************
>>>
>>>
>>> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
>>> man, was drafted by the Army.
>>> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
>>> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>>> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
>>> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>>> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
>>> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
>>>