Pilot's problems, mechanic's solutions

cheri1122

Veteran Expediter
Driver
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replaced.
S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.

P: Test flight ok, but auto-land was very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs back ordered.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 ft per minute descent.
S: Unable to reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperable in off mode.
S: IFF always inoperable in off mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine located on wing, after a brief search.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed in cockpit.

P: Noise under instrument panel, sounds like a midget hitting something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
:D:D:D
 
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