dieseldiva
Veteran Expediter
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>On a tour of Oregon, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
>mountains for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the
>campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just
>at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat man, wearing sandals,
>Hawaiian shorts, a "save the whales" T-shirt and a tree hugger hat
>was struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself
>from the jaws of a 10 foot grizzly.
>
>As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came
>racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The
>other two reached up and pulled the bleeding semi-conscious Democrat
>from the bear. Then using long clubs, the three loggers beat the bear
>to death and hauled it to their truck.
>
>Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to come over. "I give
>you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard
>there was a bitter hatred between loggers and environmental
>activists, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not
>true."
>
>As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that?"
>
>"It was the Pope," another replied, "He's in direct contact with God
>and has access to all of Gods wisdom."
>
>"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all of Gods wisdom,
>but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting. By the way, is
>the bait holding up okay, or do we need to go back to Portland and
>grab another one?"
Subject: Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said.
"You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Good grief man, don't you even realize that your left arm is missing?
It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"
"Oh my!" screamed the lawyer, looking down at his missing arm.
"Where's my Rolex?"
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Of all the things I've lost in my life, I think I miss my mind the most!!