Fr8 Shaker
Veteran Expediter
FORGIVE THE PUN
>
> 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
> wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
> but don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was 'a salted'. (...get it???)
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
> "A
> beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 7 "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
> Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
> you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
> look at either.
>
> 10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
> can't- I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
> says
> "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
> craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
> hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
> chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> a
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
> ;
> they name him "Juan." Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
> little
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A
> supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
> his
> friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
> laugh...
>
> . . . .No pun in ten did.
>
> 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
> wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
> but don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was 'a salted'. (...get it???)
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
> "A
> beer please, and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 7 "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
> Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
> you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
> look at either.
>
> 10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
> can't- I've cut off your arms!"
>
> 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
> says
> "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
> craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
> hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
> chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
> a
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain
> ;
> they name him "Juan." Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
> little
> which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A
> supercalloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
> his
> friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
> laugh...
>
> . . . .No pun in ten did.