http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/61687.html
I know it may be upsetting for many of you to discover the animal you cherish is of the opposite political party.
Would former President Bill Clinton ever be able to admit to himself that the late Socks was a Republican? Could Democrats ever bring themselves to forgive Checkers, the dog – and a Democrat – who belonged to Richard M. Nixon and whose mention in the famous 1952 “Checkers speech” helped save Nixon’s political career?
When cats are born, they believe they are in a state of liberty, and from then on they are determined to keep it that way. No one tells them what to do. They don’t believe it takes a village, because they know they might have to take instructions from the village idiot in the local government.
And, sorry if you’ve got one and you’re a Republican — but dogs are liberal Democrats. Some are possibly Socialists, though probably none will ever admit it.
Dogs are communal by nature. They run in packs. They dream of their days as wolves, sharing responsibilities.
Sure there’s a pecking order – an alpha, a beta and a zeta. It’s only humans who pretend that egalitarianism levels the playing field entirely.
Unfortunately, this instinct to subvert their personal welfare to the good of the whole also makes dogs easy to control. Big brother, in the form of their human masters, creates laws and executive orders that dogs slavishly abide.
Canines want rules and regulations to follow. If you could teach them to read and talk, they’d be carrying Mao’s Little Red Book and citing its verses.
They show little initiative. A dog is not particularly entrepreneurial and would never start a small business. If he did, he’d let you tax it at confiscatory rates — as long as you gave him a treat.
The best you can do with a dog is train him to work on an assembly line, doing the same trick, time after time. He’s a natural proletarian, waiting for his union card to come through.
Dogs will also happily take a government job.
Dogs were very excited when President George W. Bush created the Department of Homeland Security. They were more than ready to sniff for bombs or protect secure government sites, that sort of thing. One even signed up for the raid that took out Bin Laden.
But dogs also want to save the world generally. They’re bleeding heart liberals.
Some, you may have noticed, are community organizers, herding sheep and other creatures of the field into groups for the betterment of their welfare.
Many dogs eagerly sign up each year for government programs to assist the blind. And who ever heard of a cat running into burning building to save their owner?
I know it may be upsetting for many of you to discover the animal you cherish is of the opposite political party.
Would former President Bill Clinton ever be able to admit to himself that the late Socks was a Republican? Could Democrats ever bring themselves to forgive Checkers, the dog – and a Democrat – who belonged to Richard M. Nixon and whose mention in the famous 1952 “Checkers speech” helped save Nixon’s political career?
When cats are born, they believe they are in a state of liberty, and from then on they are determined to keep it that way. No one tells them what to do. They don’t believe it takes a village, because they know they might have to take instructions from the village idiot in the local government.
And, sorry if you’ve got one and you’re a Republican — but dogs are liberal Democrats. Some are possibly Socialists, though probably none will ever admit it.
Dogs are communal by nature. They run in packs. They dream of their days as wolves, sharing responsibilities.
Sure there’s a pecking order – an alpha, a beta and a zeta. It’s only humans who pretend that egalitarianism levels the playing field entirely.
Unfortunately, this instinct to subvert their personal welfare to the good of the whole also makes dogs easy to control. Big brother, in the form of their human masters, creates laws and executive orders that dogs slavishly abide.
Canines want rules and regulations to follow. If you could teach them to read and talk, they’d be carrying Mao’s Little Red Book and citing its verses.
They show little initiative. A dog is not particularly entrepreneurial and would never start a small business. If he did, he’d let you tax it at confiscatory rates — as long as you gave him a treat.
The best you can do with a dog is train him to work on an assembly line, doing the same trick, time after time. He’s a natural proletarian, waiting for his union card to come through.
Dogs will also happily take a government job.
Dogs were very excited when President George W. Bush created the Department of Homeland Security. They were more than ready to sniff for bombs or protect secure government sites, that sort of thing. One even signed up for the raid that took out Bin Laden.
But dogs also want to save the world generally. They’re bleeding heart liberals.
Some, you may have noticed, are community organizers, herding sheep and other creatures of the field into groups for the betterment of their welfare.
Many dogs eagerly sign up each year for government programs to assist the blind. And who ever heard of a cat running into burning building to save their owner?
