Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day
strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an agreement
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this
February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in
recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of
virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs ( or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable
to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position
to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of
modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000
of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , Ireland ,
Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not
affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas
anyway".
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.
strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an agreement
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this
February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in
recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of
virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs ( or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable
to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position
to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of
modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000
of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England , Ireland ,
Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not
affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas
anyway".
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.