anyone for golf

[nightcreacher]

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

#10... A below par performance
Is considered **** good.

#9... You can stop in the middle
And have a cheeseburger
And a couple of beers.

#8.. It's much easier to
Find the sweet spot.

#7... Foursomes are encouraged.

#6... You can still make money
Doing it as a senior.

#5... Three times a day is possible.

#4... Your partner doesn't hire
A lawyer if you play with someone else.

#3... If you live in Florida, you
Can do it almost every day.

#2... You don't have to cuddle
With your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....


#1... If your equipment gets old
And rusty, you can replace it!

 

[nightcreacher]

growing old

>> SERENITY
>>
>> Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
>> the very elderly widow and asked,
>> 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she
>> replied.
>> 'Two years older than me'
>> 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
>> She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
>>
>> Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
>> 'And what do you think is the best thing
>> About being 104?' the reporter asked.
>> She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
>>
>> The nice thing about being senile is
>> You can hide your own Easter eggs.
>>
>> I've sure gotten old!
>> I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
>> New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
>> I'm half blind,
>> Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
>> Take 40 different medications that
>> Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
>> Have bouts with dementia ..
>> Have poor circulation;
>> Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
>> Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
>> Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
>> I still have my driver's license.
>>
>> I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
>> So I got my doctor's permission to
>> Join a fitness club and start exercising.
>> I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
>> I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
>> for an hour. But,
>> By the time I got my leotards on,
>> The class was over.
>>
>> My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
>> Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
>>
>> Know how to prevent sagging?
>> Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
>>
>> It's scary when you start making the same noises
>> As your coffee maker.

>> These days about half the stuff
>> In my shopping cart says,
>> ' For fast relief.'
>>
>> THE SENILITY PRAYER :
>> Grant me the senility to forget the people
>> I never liked anyway,
>> The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
>> The eyesight to tell the difference.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
>> You grow old because you stop laughing!!