Beerrequired grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither
the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheelwas invented to get man to the beer.
These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs,
and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the
meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food
are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side
note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than
their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists, and
community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our
national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because
it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,
members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other
true believers and to just tick off more liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our
early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheelwas invented to get man to the beer.
These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of
what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs,
and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the
meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food
are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side
note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than
their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists, and
community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our
national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because
it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,
members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other
true believers and to just tick off more liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
