Tuesday morning I picked up a load. The shipper was Service Master; a company specializing in fire and flood damage clean up. The consignee was Grant Wood; a famous American painter. The destination was; Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Putting these three things together and the facts that Grant Wood once lived in the Cedar Rapids area and that area is now under water; I let my imagination wander, as I sometimes do.
On the way to the shipper I imagined I would be picking up some sort of super drying agent. It was my duty to get this freight to the Grant Wood museum in time to save all of his paintings. No more embracing the mundane for me! This is the Big Time. My shot at 15 minutes of fame. I had 45 seconds of fame once as a result of my involvement in the Helium Incident. I should have hired a P.R. person and garnered that into at least 7 or 8 minutes of fame. Oh well!
So I get to the outskirts of Cedar Rapids. My way is blocked by flood waters. I am still about 6 miles from the consignee. What will I do? What will become of the paintings if I don't get to the museum with the super secret drying agent? Will the high water turn Mr. Wood's paintings into Jackson Pollock miniatures?
Fortunately my canoe is still fastened to the roof of my van from my timely practice of the Flood Waters Reaction Drill. I load the drying agent into my canoe and paddle off for the museum. Of course I get there just in time to save the paintings.
Since I am in Iowa and I mentioned Jackson Pollock I think I will deliver some drying agent to the Jackson Pollock Gallery. This is my fantasy so there IS a Jackson Pollock Gallery in Iowa. It consists of one huge pole barn type structure with a large airplane hangar style door at one end and a small unattached privy.
The hangar door was opened when I arrived. I drove into the center of the gallery and parked atop a paint spattered tarp slightly larger than the footprint of my van. The curator saw me and screamed "You stupid expediter, that's not a drop cloth you're parked on, it's a Jackson Pollock original." Ooops! My mistake. I back off the work of art. I comment to the curator that the muddy tire tracks and oil drips lend a certain organic reality to the painting. He doesn't agree. Hey what do I know about angry, expressionist, impressionist art?
I've got one more delivery in Iowa. It is a industrial baseball dryer. Destination: Van Meter, Iowa and the Bob Feller museum. When I arrive, Mr. Feller is seated in a rocking chair. He has a hair dryer in one hand and a basket of soggy baseballs at his feet. He signs the B.O.L. and two baseballs. One for Cheri and one for Turtle. Both huge Bob Feller fans.
Back to reality. The consignee, Grant Wood turned out to be the Grant Wood Area Educational Agency. In my day we called them ding dong schools or vocys. Then they became alternative schools. I guess the illogical progression of the politically correct lexicon has become area educational agency. Wouldn't want to offend anybody.
The freight was 12 rolls of something called layflat dissicant. It is used for drying things. Probably not Grant Wood paintings though!
Southbound traffic on I-380 was backed up for 5 or 6 miles with the left lane of 3, reserved for emergency vehicles. The Cedar River was still well over the banks. The water had receded from the s.w. corner of the city where I was, leaving behind destruction, mud, debris and yucky stuff.
I-380 south of town must have been reopened recently because I saw message boards on the shoulders announcing it. Also I-80 east of I-380 at Iowa City was open. Traffic there was backed up as locals used the interstate to get across town.
Quite a mess. Hopefully it won't rain for a while and the water level will return to normal.
Putting these three things together and the facts that Grant Wood once lived in the Cedar Rapids area and that area is now under water; I let my imagination wander, as I sometimes do.
On the way to the shipper I imagined I would be picking up some sort of super drying agent. It was my duty to get this freight to the Grant Wood museum in time to save all of his paintings. No more embracing the mundane for me! This is the Big Time. My shot at 15 minutes of fame. I had 45 seconds of fame once as a result of my involvement in the Helium Incident. I should have hired a P.R. person and garnered that into at least 7 or 8 minutes of fame. Oh well!
So I get to the outskirts of Cedar Rapids. My way is blocked by flood waters. I am still about 6 miles from the consignee. What will I do? What will become of the paintings if I don't get to the museum with the super secret drying agent? Will the high water turn Mr. Wood's paintings into Jackson Pollock miniatures?
Fortunately my canoe is still fastened to the roof of my van from my timely practice of the Flood Waters Reaction Drill. I load the drying agent into my canoe and paddle off for the museum. Of course I get there just in time to save the paintings.
Since I am in Iowa and I mentioned Jackson Pollock I think I will deliver some drying agent to the Jackson Pollock Gallery. This is my fantasy so there IS a Jackson Pollock Gallery in Iowa. It consists of one huge pole barn type structure with a large airplane hangar style door at one end and a small unattached privy.
The hangar door was opened when I arrived. I drove into the center of the gallery and parked atop a paint spattered tarp slightly larger than the footprint of my van. The curator saw me and screamed "You stupid expediter, that's not a drop cloth you're parked on, it's a Jackson Pollock original." Ooops! My mistake. I back off the work of art. I comment to the curator that the muddy tire tracks and oil drips lend a certain organic reality to the painting. He doesn't agree. Hey what do I know about angry, expressionist, impressionist art?
I've got one more delivery in Iowa. It is a industrial baseball dryer. Destination: Van Meter, Iowa and the Bob Feller museum. When I arrive, Mr. Feller is seated in a rocking chair. He has a hair dryer in one hand and a basket of soggy baseballs at his feet. He signs the B.O.L. and two baseballs. One for Cheri and one for Turtle. Both huge Bob Feller fans.
Back to reality. The consignee, Grant Wood turned out to be the Grant Wood Area Educational Agency. In my day we called them ding dong schools or vocys. Then they became alternative schools. I guess the illogical progression of the politically correct lexicon has become area educational agency. Wouldn't want to offend anybody.
The freight was 12 rolls of something called layflat dissicant. It is used for drying things. Probably not Grant Wood paintings though!
Southbound traffic on I-380 was backed up for 5 or 6 miles with the left lane of 3, reserved for emergency vehicles. The Cedar River was still well over the banks. The water had receded from the s.w. corner of the city where I was, leaving behind destruction, mud, debris and yucky stuff.
I-380 south of town must have been reopened recently because I saw message boards on the shoulders announcing it. Also I-80 east of I-380 at Iowa City was open. Traffic there was backed up as locals used the interstate to get across town.
Quite a mess. Hopefully it won't rain for a while and the water level will return to normal.
I'm gonna try drying my Bob Feller ball with that dessicant (used to dry flowers), and see if I can pass it off as a Jackson Pollock - whattaya think? If it sells for a brazillion bucks, I'll split with Moot: 60/40, plus a dessicant surcharge, ok?
