all right, numero uno....
a blonde is driving and gets stuck in the middle of a horrible blizzard, one so bad that she can't even see in front of the car. she pulls over, sits there for a while, and eventually remembers something her father told her. he said that if she ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to wait for a plow to come then follow the plow- eventually she would make it home.
after a while, a plow comes, so she starts to follow him. she follows him for a long, long time... after quite a while he stops in front of her. she stops behind him. he gets out, walks over to the car. she opens the window, and he says...
"ma'am, i'm finished with the wal-mart parking lot. do you want to follow me to the grocery store?"
dos
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
tres
A blonde constrction worker would eat his lunch each day high up on a scaffolding with the other guys.
One day he opened his lunch and said, "Another bologna sandwich?? I am sick of bologna sandwiches! If I get the same lunch tommorrow, I am jumping off here and ending my life!".
The next day, he opens his lunch box and there is another bologna sandwich. He promply hurls himself off the scaffolding and falls to his death.
At the funeral, ever one stares at the wife who explains....."Don't look at me, he makes his own lunch!".
__________________
quatro
The blonde and the lawyer
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
lawyer.
Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
sleep.
