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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that read, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last...

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed...

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, Sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but...

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some Rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to The woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been Buying the stuff from this store on a regular...

A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating...

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: 10 lamb chops, please. Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot...

Sign at a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ************************** In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels ************ ************** On another Septic Tank Truck...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000)on a single roll of the dice.She said, "I hope you don't mind but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the...

The YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2006: so...enjoy! Crack Found on Governor's Daughter (Imagine that!) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (No, really?) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers (Now that's taking things a bit far!) Is There a Ring of Debris...

SMART ARSE ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ARSE ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to...

Caution - Beer contains female hormones! Last month, scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain...

A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from...

A woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop one day and told the Sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said: "A long...

SPAGHETTI A wealthy man had been having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money, if she would go to Italy to...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door...